Progress or deciding to do something

You should have seen the gathering; a Middle School lunch room with lots and lots of chairs, microphone, big powerpoint screen. They were ready for a wowzer of a school board meeting, that's for sure, and gradually over 100 people showed up. An impressive turn out on a chilly and wet Thursday night.

The Vashon School Board decided to make a bold and confident step. After various boards spent over 20 years talking about it, they have approved going forward with a Capitol Bond; a $75.5 million honey that has created quite a stir in our little town. This bond, if approved by a 60% vote next spring, will quite literally change the face of Vashon High School for many years to come. It will solve many of the nagging, unhealthy and derelict problems that face our current buildings and move forward on a decision that has, quite literally, festered for generations. If you are interested, check this out.

The first hurrah really has to go to Bob, Oz and Terry. Kathy and Laura came along eventually and Dan abstained. Thank you all for your service to our community and to all the thankless work that you do for our schools.

Vashon folks of all ages and backgrounds came out in a full throated affirmation for this investment in the our children's future. People were here to walk the walk. It was an emotional night but very feel goody. People seemed to have really looked inside themselves and consciously decided to stand for investing in our kids future. Many people spoke; thoughtful, profound and nobel sentiments were expressed.

I was wondering if the heightened mood and sentiment has anything to do with our recent presidential contest. It seems that recent election still resonates. So many of us really stopped and thought about what we really are about and what you wanted to align ourselves with. Our community, perhaps still with a little Obama buzz , has decided, confidentially, to move forward. The right direction for all the right reasons. A pretty damn wonderful thing to see.

We're on the way to the ballot in Feb, maybe March. Interestingly, this vote will be the first one since Washington State will go to an all absentee vote. I wonder how that will effect the vote? We need about 2,000 voters to approve this thing. It goes without saying about the bad timing, but I am remaining confident. We'll have to wait and see.

And, there is an interesting economic irony; due to the downturn we stand to save some money by doing the project now. So, the crappy economy is making our project less expensive (!) or as I have decided to think of it as stimulating the local economy.

I'll keep you posted.

Free lunch?

It seems more and more kids are accessing the free lunch program through their public schools. In fact 80% of schools show sharp increases in their free lunch programs says an article from Newsnet5.com.

WASHINGTON -- There is such a thing as a free lunch. And school districts across the country report that kids are eating many more of them as the flailing economy hits families hard.

The National School Lunch Program fed more than 30 million children in the 2006-07 school year with federal and state funds.

According to the School Nutrition Association, which represents workers who provide the meals, almost 80 percent of schools surveyed by the organization are reporting an increase in the number of free lunches served this year.

Crystal FitzSimons of the Food Research and Action Center in Washington said more families are signing up for free school lunches for their children as they look for ways to trim their food budgets.

"One of the easiest things families can look to for support is the school nutrition program," she said.

Children from families with incomes at or below 130 percent of the poverty level are eligible for free meals. Children from families with slightly higher incomes are eligible for reduced price meals, which were also being served at higher levels. The organization said an average of 425,000 more students are participating in the programs overall.

As those numbers rise, schools could feel their budgets stretched as well."

Yow! This isn't good news. Thank goodness the families have some relief but we have got to get this economy back on track!

Luck

As luck would have it? Luck of the Irish? Just lucky, I guess.

So much of life seems to be about luck. No, I am not getting overly superstitious on you. I recognize the importance of making good decisions, planning, working hard and having positive follow through. That goes without saying.

But, even with that said, in my opinion, luck has a lot to do with it. I have always considered myself a lucky person; usually landing on my feet, being at the right place at the right time, followed my gut instinct in tricky situations.

I have known people that just don't seem to ever catch a break. They seem to live under a black cloud with yet another problem or dilemma landing in their laps one after the other. Some people thrive in that kind of turbulent, every changing existence and find gratification after each hurdle surpassed. I personally fret for the lack of constancy and the turmoil of that sort of life, jumping from issue to issue trying to put out the immediate fire only to have another one pop right up. It just sounds really stressful.

When I began to realize that Shea had some real serious developmental delays, honestly I was stunned. I just hadn't seen it coming.

We have all heard the inevitable question; why me? Well, that is how I felt. Why me? I felt I had no frame of reference. I didn't know what to do, how to be or how to begin.

Honestly, I was surprised because I had always considered myself lucky. Why was this happening to me? I know, that is tough to say now but it is how I felt back then. I wondered if this was karma? Was I being punished for something I had done?

Time does heal and I have a much more pragmatic attitude now. Nothing will ever be as tough as those early days. Life is funny. I guess I just had a lot more to learn; something I never saw coming and wasn't prepared for. Plenty of good can come out of tackling something that is hard. In fact, sometimes the very best lessons of life come from something hard to take, sad or difficult.

Today, I still feel like that I am a very lucky person. And, at the bottom of it all I am an optimist. Need I count my blessings? Health, friends and family. Good old Jakey, married for 15 years. My beautiful Molly and charming Shea. I'm so lucky to have the time and resources to be home with them as they grow up. Lucky to be able to give them both what they need; to know they are loved, taken care of and safe.

So many children in this world aren't, to no fault of their own. Life isn't always fair.

Luck of the draw?

Heavy negotiations or bargaining for every little thing

I don't know if it is Molly's age (10) or just her personality but life seems to be one big negotiation session...about everything.

For example, whether or not she can;

Stay up later, not take a bath until tomorrow, have her advent chocolate in the morning or right before dinner, pick up her room later, not wear a coat to school, find out what I got her for Christmas, etc. etc.

On one hand I wonder if this is the road signs of a spoiled rotten, entitled kid? On the other, is this her way of pushing boundaries and seeing which limits are set? Or is this just adolescence?

Which ever hand it is, it's just plain exhausting to be constantly in deep negotiations over the most mundane things in life. Ok, granted, mundane for me, maybe not for her.

I tell her she may grow up to be a diplomat at the UN, a lawyer or a professional negotiator. She suspects I'm kidding I'm not.

Kill a tree for baby Jesus?

Sorry folks, I know that might be sort of crude but I have always been a little horrified that we celebrate Christmas by cutting down a healthy tree, decorate it and then throw it away. I know, I know, it can get recycled or chipped down for mulch but there is something about it that really bums me out.

We have tried buying a tree in a container that we could plant outside after Christmas. It never seemed to work and we killed it anyway.

Which is why so many people go out and get fake trees I suppose. My mom has one that gets put together like a puzzle each year which is great but no wonderful pine smell. And, no, I don't care what they say, you can not buy it in a spray can.

Yes, we have purchased Christmas trees before and let me say, they are damn expensive! I remember a particularly lovely little table top Nobel that we got when Shea was just crawling. We thought he would be less likely that he would ransack the tree if it was up on a table. Mission accomplished but $50!!!

Our usual way around it is one of Jake's fabulous inventions that I wish we could market and sell. The "Build your own tree". It is simply a 8 foot 4x4 cedar post with holes drilled on 3 sides over the entire length. He mounted it on a rectangle of plywood so that it would stand and voila'; Christmas Tree alternative.

Every year, I go out to the conifers in our yard and cut a bunch of branches, whittle the ends so they can fit into the holes and bring it on in ready to decorate. Over the years, Jake has enlarged the holes at the bottom so that I could put in larger branches and smaller ones as I go up.

Yesterday was a beautiful, rainless day so I set ours up. I suppose it is a little early because the branches will be dry and brittle by the end of the season. But I don't like the tree being up much past Christmas anyway. For some reason, I find it really depressing.

So, it's done. We all had a really fun time going through the ornament boxes and decorating the tree and, of course, it smells wonderful.

Sure, our yard trees got a little prune but we saved some serious green and didn't have to kill a tree for Jesus.

Annual Community Tree lighting

We had another "must see it to believe it" Vashon event tonight. The Community Tree lighting with Santa & Mrs. Clause parading down the center of town on a fire engine. All who want to can get a candy cane or two from Santa and even hug him. I do every year.

This is also the night of Molly's 2nd annual holiday violin busking.

Last year, she thought she would just try it out and see what happened. The concept got her all the way through the fall with her happily (or not complaining too much) practicing holiday tunes to prepare for busking. On the night of the Tree Lighting, she set up her violin case on the sidewalk and started banging out Silent Night, Hark the Herald and others. The results were pretty electrifying. Not only did she make over $50 in less than an hour but she got tons of encouragement and kudos for being brave enough to go out and do it all by herself. I was, of course, hovering near by.

This year we did the same. The night was cold and clear so it was an excellent turn out, lots of people, families out and about. We set up right after the tree lighting near a hot dog vendor. With the poise and assurance of someone many years older, she started playing, a bit softly at first but building as she got comfortable. I stood to the side. She told me not to hover too close but I am there. I wouldn't miss this for the world.

It really is quite interesting to see how the crowd reacts. The kids are drawn immediately and it doesn't really matter what age. I saw just-walking tots hanging out to dance to "Santa Clause is coming to town" and not wanting to leave and various big, cool middle school kids dropping a few coins into the case and saying, "Good job" and "Thanks for the true Christmas spirit". Kids from Molly's grade walk by and shyly wave, they foget that her hands are occupied but she acknowledges them with a smile.

The adults, of course, are enchanted. Many, like myself, could never imagine themselves putting themselves out there like that. I see it in their eyes and expressions as they drop a bill in her case. I shrug and make jokes about pimping my kid but it is obvious that this is her thing, her idea, her show. I am just the groupie and/or manager. I help make it happen but this is not about me.

It was a fun night. She made about $40 in about a half an hour. It was cold and her hands were getting numb. We wandered off to hug Santa and get another candy cane. Even did a little shopping with all the loot she hauled in and ran into some of her little buddies.

When I see her playing music alone on the sidewalk, I get the overwhelming feeling that she will be fine. She is strong, smart and beautiful and will make a good future for herself. I figure if she has the resourcefulness to make holiday money playing songs on the sidewalk, then she will make a creative, productive life for herself. I know, a mother's hope but a very nice holiday feeling.

Advent Calendars

These are such fun each year. Thank goodness Shea can eat chocolate so our annual advent calendar tradition is not disrupted.

I usually buy those super cheap .99 - $1.99 advent calendars at the grocery store as soon as they appear. Buy 'em quick! I have made the procrastinators mistake and thought I could get it "next time" and BOOM they were all gone.

But, this year I started fretting about cheap chocolate and the whole Chinese Melamine in the milk product thing! Yuk. And, to think I was just spoiling my kids rotten and harming their teeth. Now they are getting poisoned by the candy too!

So, I splurged this year and bought pricey advent calendars from Hearthsong.com on sale for $6.99.

More importantly they are made right here in the good old USA by Madelaine Chocolate Novelties, Inc. who assures us that none of their ingredients are tainted.

The chocolate is processed on equipment which also processes peanuts and tree nuts. So, that would be a problem if you are dealing with super high nut sensitivity and reactions but it has not bothered Shea as of yet.

I know, it's just a little thing but holidays are about tradition and anticipation. And, I use it to bribe them to eat a little more of their dinners. Well, then we both win.

We're looking forward to opening door #5 tonight.

Rough patch

Shea got into trouble today at school. Something about hitting or bugging the other kids? It wasn't quite clear and I, of course, wasn't there at the time but I can imagine.

His teacher came out to have one of those heart to heart talks with Shea and I just as I picked him up. Shea must've just been pulled for a time out or something because he was in full crying, melt down mode. Not a common thing which makes me think he was pretty tired or maybe could be getting a little sick.

"I think Shea was playing at being a fierce tiger or dinosaur or something and was growling and pretending to claw at the other kids. Some of them did not want to play that way and told him so but Shea would not stop."

I said, "Oh. So you were bugging the other kids, Shea? Did someone pop you in the nose to make you stop?"

Teacher was horrified, "No, no, no! Nothing like that." I never really did find out the full story of what really happened because meanwhile Shea is still sobbing and really beginning to work us over. In this situation, my strategy is to move on to something else, change the scene, transition to something else. But, he was still worked up and hit me as I was getting his stuff to go.

The teacher kept apologizing. I am not sure why. I guess she was sorry that I had to pick up a crying kid. Hey, everyone has their moments; Shea included.

But, this is an example of something that has brewing for a while and I can't quite put my finger on it. Part of it has to do with the way Shea and Molly play together which is very physical. They wrestle and tickle and hug and jump on each other. This, of course, does not work with the other kids. Other than yelling myself hoarse anytime Molly and Shea play rough, I don't know how to change the dynamic. I mean, they love each other to distraction and frankly they should be able to play with each other the way they like to. Within reason, right?

But, then again, how does a kid like Shea learn appropriate social dynamics when Molly is throwing conflicting cues into the mix all the time? Don't get me wrong, this is not Molly's fault but I do wish there was a way to help her see that she is teaching him how to interact with the world. And, those lessons may be making it harder for him to get along.

Another part of this is his Sensory Integration issue which makes him very excitable and frustrated in crowds. He gets really worked up and, of course, can't communicate at the pace or volume as anyone around him. Sometimes he just stops trying and hits the wall. I have seen him strike out from pure frustration; everything is moving too fast for him and he doesn't know how to cope.

Sometimes Shea's progress seems dazzling and I am filled with hope and enthusiasm for the future. And, then sometimes just a little thing like "don't hit" derails all the optimism and shoots me down a road of worry, concern and pessimistic thoughts.

There really isn't anything else to do but soldier on. Some days are better than others.

Food allergy update: what's Shea eating?

Just a reminder; Shea is allergic to Wheat/Gluten, soy, spelt, rye, barley, eggs, dairy/whey, peanuts. When we did the food allergy test we received back a printout that showed low, med and high sensitivity depicted on a bar graph. For example eggs, milk and wheat were literally off the chart. But, I noticed something interesting; because he was allergic to whey, cheeses were showing low reaction due to most of the whey being removed in the cheese making process

Hmm... Interesting and a real blessing for us. Cheese is one of Shea's main protein sources and it was nearly impossible for us to completely exclude it from his diet. So, Shea eats cheese, in all forms, but mainly just by the slice. The same goes for cottage cheese and yogurt which both fallow on the reaction graph.

I expect he is still having some reaction to the dairy but since he seems so much better than before I really don't care. Although, we do need to deal with constipation concerns on occasion because of all the cheese.

We counter it with lots and lots of apple sauce and apple juice. Unfortunately he won't even think of trying any other kind of juice or fruit so that is pretty limiting. We also regularly have Hemp Milk which is really high in fiber, protein and Omega 3 & 6. Shea really likes the chocolate and it really helps.

Lately he has been branching out. Not always and not usually for me. But, Jake can get him to try pretty much anything that is on his plate. He has spent mealtime eyeing it but if I ask him he won't even think about it but if Jake holds the spoon he usually will.

We manage to get him to chow through pretty respectable piles of mashed or baked potatoes. Tonight he had some white rice. He likes corn chips and will eat corn bread. My kingdom for a good gluten free corn bread recipe.

Breakfast is a lot easier. He loves EnviroKidz Organic Koala Crisp and no one would blame him. It is lite and crispy choco-rice cereal. Pretty darn good, I've tried them. He can work through 3 or 4 bowls on a good morning.

And, we found these excellent muffins: Flax4Life Flax Muffins - Chunky Chocolate Chip made here locally in Belling ham, WA. I know, I know, do you see a chocolate theme reoccurring? Well, it is my kid, after all. Not only are these darn good muffins but they are packed with 3200 mg. Omega 3 per muffin and have 10 grams of fiber. They also have 104 mg of Lignen which I have never heard about before but apparently supports both breast and prostate health! These muffins are such a winner that Molly even likes them and I have begun to ration them. But, when I visited the Flax4Life website, I noticed they do mailorder with free shipping! So, I think I may just get that case of 24 and see how long they last.

One of the hardest things was finding a real good pancake recipe. Not just an ok one, he just won't eat it. But, a real good one where he clears his plate, asks for another (with words even) and chows that one down too. Pancakes mean "the weekend" around our house and it was going to be a bummer if I couldn't find one that we all liked.

Well, I found it. Tip of the hat goes to the Naturopath who did the allergy test and delivered the staggering news. While I was still stunned and barely coherent, she pushed a cook book into my hands called The Whole Life Nutrituion Cookbook by Alissa Segersten and Tom Malterre, MS. CN. I know it doesn't sound very appetizing but it is a very good cookbook with over 200 gluten free, dairy free and egg free recipes.

Buckwheat Pancakes

1 cup buckwheat flour
1/4 cup tapioca flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
1 1/2 cup hemp, rice, almond or soy milk
1 organic egg (we use Ener G egg replacement)
2 Tbls. melted virgin coconut oil, melted
1 Tbls. maple syrup or Agave nectar

Whip it all up and make pancakes. Somehow these cakes are light and fluffy, have a wonderful slight coconut taste but are not too sweet. The texture is the excellent thing. Most gluten free baked goods seem very flat (to me) so the fluffiness of these is a real hit. Add butter and real maple syrup and you got yourself a weekend morning to be proud of.

Capitol Bond: new high school

Speaking of tight budgets, guess what we are trying to do in our little community? You got it, put a big Capitol Bond on the ballot for a new high school next spring.

I can't imagine a worse time to try something like this with this economic recession and all. But, what are we going to do?

Our high school is in deplorable shape. There are myriad problems including blatant code violations all over the place and we have been slapping band-aids on it for some 20 years. It's understandable. No one wants to pull the 79 Million dollar trigger. Ouch. Well, that is what it costs these days.

Apparently, at the school board meeting last night a veritable broo-haha went down. 3 out of 5 school board member refused to vote on moving forward with a proposal vote. They wanted to table the bond proposal until the next meeting. Yet more feet dragging, you know, how we got into this problem in the first place. I heard all this 2nd hand but I guess the packed house audience stood up and started yelling at the 3 "feet dragging" board members and furiously stomped out of there. Tears were shed, emotional raving, and local newspaper person scuttling and getting statements.

Wow! High drama on little old Vashon. Needless to say, lots of feathers are ruffled. I don't really care. I know they will have to put the bond measure on the ballot eventually and I know I will support it. Yea it hurts. Yea it is a horrible time to have to do it. But, I will support it because I believe in real investment in our kids education and upgraded buildings and classrooms and technologies are all part of that.

So there.

Budget short fall: education taking a whack

Here in Washington state we are staring a big budget shortfall in the face and it ain't pretty.

It looks like our Democratic, public education supporting Governor is going to have to cut public education by a cool Billion. Yah, that is Billion with a B. From where I sit they should be increasing the public education budget by a billion not cutting it. But what do I know? I am just a parent who is up close and personal with public education everyday.

I don't blame the Gov. States have a legal obligation to balance their budgets every single year unlike the Fed's who just borrow more money from friendly and not so friendly governments abroad.

But, when we really talk about investing in America what does that mean? Does it mean new infrastructure and roads? Or does it mean raising future citizens that will be tax paying, productive participants in the society?

Heavy sigh and roll my eyes. So, here we go again. I sure hope we can figure out a way to avoid this cut. Like maybe take a good hard look at all those corporate tax exemptions and other goodies that Boeing and Microsoft get! Or, drum roll please, how about state income tax!

I can hear the collective gasp. But, I would like to know who pays for a civilized society? Wrong, not someone else. You, me and everybody! We pay for a civilized society and dab-blame it, a strong, healthy, supported public school system is part of that!

Ok, I guess I have made myself clear. Rant off.

And...they're off!

Well, the season has official begun for our family.

Thanksgiving was a lush, fragrant, delicious, slightly tight waist-bandy sort of day. Many thanks to my excellent GGF for once again inviting my whole brood to her house for the day.

The day after Thanksgiving is the traditional Gingerbread making event at my mom's. Her place sports this iconic view of beautiful Seattle and is the quintessential "party house". Some considerable time was spent trying to remember just how many years we have been doing this. Definitely more than 15 was the conclusion; we couldn't pin it down closer than that.

My mom invites a literal horde of folks with their kids to her house for the day. Dazzled by the piles of every kind of candy imaginable and buckets of different colored frostings, most people just need a little time to just take it all in but eventually serious work begins. My mom made 15 separate Gingerbread house this year; simple cottages and sprawling Victorian Mansions. For the slightly overwhelmed there are all sorts of sugar cookies to decorate; elaborate or plain, they are eaten all the same.

Some people really get into it and a design competition could break out each year; usually with Grampa John or stepbrother David winning hands down. But all the results are truly incredible and each person is encouraged to take their house home. I myself don't tackle a whole house but usually spend my creative energy on frosting and decorating piles and piles of cookies.

My addition to the tradition is to get a big pot of soup cooking on the stove. It is fun to cook as a group, take turns stirring through out the day and then it warms us all at dinner time. Of course, the kids didn't eat much being sugar buzzed from frosting overload. But, all in all it is a lovely day; spent with friends new and old, beloved family members watching the kids creating fun memories.

My kids usually stay the night with plans of putting up the tree with my mom the next day. All went as planned without too much mishap this year. I am always impressed with my mom's energy and good graces to host a big event like that with absolutely no eye ball rolling or griping about the mess. She really is a saint. John too.

Thanks mom, for starting these fun traditions and keeping them up. I guess that is what its all about and because of you we are banking so many wonderful memories to savor through out the year and beyond.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Seriously...

I am so thankful for the extra large helping of health, happiness and the terrific people in my life. Special thanks goes to all the wonderful friends and family. Life just wouldn't be what it is without you all!

Here is hoping you will have a warm, wonderful, tasty, tranquil, relaxing, humorous Thanksgiving with your friends and family.

Sheeple factory: when public school just isn't cutting it

As a self professed bleeding heart liberal, public education is near and dear to me. There has never been a public school bond measure or levy that I have voted "no" on whether I had kids at the time or not.

We were in West Seattle when we found out that our kid wasn't necessarily assured a place at the neighborhood school and may very well be bussed across town for Kindergarten. Alarm bells went off for both of us; perhaps explaining the exodus to Vashon Island by the time Molly was 2 and Shea was just a wish and a prayer. We chose Vashon for the excellent public schools; often times described as "quasi-private".

Now that I have been at this a while, I realize that public schools although legally supposed to serve all children, don't always. How can they when education funding has been cut left and right? It's abysmal really and pains me to acknowledge this.

I met a woman recently who had a son who is on the autistic spectrum and was dealing with many of the same food allergies that Shea is facing. We chatted gluten-free products and recipes and then jumped into the fray.

"How is it going at school?" I asked. She got a pinched, frustrated look on her face and replied, "Not well. They were very concerned with wanting him to just hang up his coat then sit down and shut up. He couldn't draw or cut paper the way he wanted to. It was very frustrating."

"Was?" I think. She told me they decided to pull him from the public school system and do home schooling which so far had been working fine for them. I asked about her 2nd child, a typically developing girl, "No, we won't send her to public school either."

This exchange has really stuck with me. First, no matter how you feel about public education, you make educational choices individually for each kid. If one thing is not working, you try something else. But, I was sad. One bad experience with an overwhelmed Kindergarten teacher chased this family away from our public school. Sometimes that's all it takes.

I see it as the bell curve. The majority of the kids get served pretty well, although that is always debatable. The kids that happen to be on the edges? Not so much. If your kid is on the edges, that can be a very frustrating place to be.

It reminds me of this trend to create "gifted programs" or "accelerated learning" in elementary schools. It seems parents just love hanging this sort of tag on their kid. We went through a period here, where there was a lot of pressure to start tracking and testing as early as Pre-K! We already had testing at 3rd grade to divvy the kids up for math in 4th & 5th grades but now they were pushing for more! The whole shebang! Let's test their little personalities right out the door and label them at 6!

Needless to say, I was really, really, REALLY against it. This is a big topic but in a nutshell; testing is not and shouldn't be the prime designation on determining a child's skills and attributes. Can't we let the kids just be kids for a while instead of shuttling them off into a category? "Here Johnny, you belong in the smart class! Bobby you belong in the below average class!" Does anyone else see the self fulfilling prophesies this much be creating? Not to mention the self-inflicted stresses labeling can cause.

I remember one of the arguments to pursue a gifted program was to give the smart kids appropriate work to do. By all means, go for it. Teach to the highest skills in the class and watch some of the others come up too. Create more opportunities for individualized instruction so that each kid can reach as far as they can. Give the teachers more professional development so they can recognize and work with a child who is gifted. All of the above probably just equate to more money needed; lower class sizes and more investment in our teacher's training. Don't hold your breath.

Maybe the new administration will take a long, sober look at No Child Left Behind and see if there is anything salvageable there. We can only hope.

Siblings of special needs kids

I remember on Molly's first day of 4th grade, her wonderfully creative teacher gave each of the children an old fashioned key. As a first day ice-breaker assignment they were to write about what that key would unlock. Understandably, there were a wide variety of ideas and the kids all got a chance to stand up and read theirs if they wanted.

Molly's key, she told the class, was to open up her brother's power of speech. She told a little about how talking was very hard for him and that we were all working very hard to help him.

Well, I can't even write this story without tearing up again. And, it's been over a year!

First, I think it is testament to the kind of kid Molly is; compassionate, empathetic and thoughtful. But I also think it is very illustrative to how siblings of specials kids commonly feel. They, somehow, want to make it better for so many reasons; to help their parents, to help their sibling and to make it easier on themselves. Let's me honest, a lot lands in the laps of these kids.

I recently heard about a program called Sibshops.

"Sibshops acknowledge that being the brother or sister of a person with special needs is for some a good thing, others a not-so-good thing, and for many, somewhere in-between. They reflect a belief that brothers and sisters have much to offer one another — if they are given a chance. Sibshops are a spirited mix of new games (designed to be unique, off-beat, and appealing to a wide ability range), new friends, and discussion activities. The Sibshop curriculum is used throughout the United States, Canada, England, Ireland, Iceland, Japan, New Zealand, Guatemala, Mexico, and Argentina."

For a long time I have been feeling that Molly could use something like this. I don't want to make a big deal about it but I think it would be a fun environment to share some feelings and thoughts about having a brother with special needs. And, now that I am writing this, I think I am going to look for some activities nearby.

Conversation on Bullying

I was invited to attend a "Conversation on Bullying" yesterday at the Unitarian Meeting Hall here on the island. They were hosting a speaker, Pam Dell Fitzgerald, UW professor, clinical psychologist and island resident who was to present her well received series, "Positive Parenting".

How timely! I had never been to a Unitarian function before being prone to extra laziness on Sunday mornings but it was really nice gathering.

First, poor Pam had an unforeseen emergency and couldn't make it until basically the end. But, she was good enough to chat off-line with some parents and promise a rain check in January.

Instead of hearing from Pam, what we did get to do is have a wide, multi-generational discussion on bullying and parenting in general. I found it particularly touching to hear what folks in their 70's and 80's thought about the "kids these days". It was very insightful to hear some of the stories and suggestions but I mostly found that the grandparents were indeed just as confounded on how to help with bullying as they were when they were parents.

It is a big topic and we managed to whip through an hour and a half very quickly. I could tell there were some folks who had heard a lot of these stories before but to me it was novel. I should note that my parents are quite young and I did not really have a connection with either set of grandparents when young or as an adult so I found the stories very sweet and endearing.

One young parent brought up the fact that in her previous school district the bullying policy was literally in every classroom. That no one had any questions about what it was and if something went down the administration was on it quickly. That is not what is happening here.

The theory of "islandism" was brought up where everyone thinks everything is so darn wonderful and perfect that no one voices the ugly stuff. That folks then just say, "Oh that's just kids being kids."

It is true that the Bullying Policy should be easier to find and more readily available. I looked all through the school district website last week but never could find it. I had to e-mail a counselor who forwarded my request to the administration. Some one did call me personally which I thought was good but the policy should be easy not hard to find. She directed me to the Student Handbook where the bullying policy was buried at about page 20. Sigh....

See what I mean? The policy is only as good as the awareness and enforcement. I think I will push the school district to host a meeting for parents, teachers and staff with Pam next Spring. Judging by what the other parents had to say, the bullying issue is up front and center on many people's minds.

More updates to come on my latest windmill tilting.

To blog or not to blog, that is the question

Where do the words come from? Do they spring fully formed from our heads? Is is slow, arduous or creatively constipated? Or do the words spill, wash then overflow?

For me, all of the above. I didn't really know what it was going to be like when I began my blog and I was mighty nervous when I first hit that "Publish Post" button. Since then, it has gotten easier, faster, more cathartic than I even thought it would.

But, let's remember, this is SELF publishing, stream of consciousness to the Nth degree. These posts never get run through an editors sieve and have the choppy intellectual jumps of a journal. This blog is a tribute to self absorbed focus; all about me and mine. One doesn't apologize for this, it just is that way.

I write about what is bothering me or what makes me happy. I write about stuff that strikes me as odd or just rattles around in my head for too long and needs to get out. I write about sad, scary feelings that are hard to express even to my GGF. And, I write about victory and triumph. In a word, it's a mixed bag and not always pretty.

Do I sometimes go too far with my opinion? Definately. Do I sometimes beat it to death? Perhaps. Do I take too much of my life and smear it liberally in my blog? I am afraid so.

I have always been a passionate, opinionated person. Old habits die hard. And, part of the attraction of blogging is the assumed anonymity. Sure, friends and family read my blog, bless their hearts. I expect they are the majority of the hit count. But I like to think about the people I will never know or meet who stumble upon my blog and stay to read a bit.

If I have offended or ticked off anyone, near or far, with my over the top rhetoric, I apologize. I am not always politically correct. For this I appreciate your understanding. But, I promise that I will always be real.

"By...my...self..." Shea insists often.

Shea's really working on the old independent spirit thing these days. Actually, it's nice to see. He still wants me to do plenty for him but he wants to decide what and when for himself.

You know, normal kid stuff.

In the past, if he even tried using his words, I tended to honor the request just to support the attempt. But, like any kid, Shea will say "cookie" all day if allowed. So, to keep it all in check we need to re-evaluate periodically.

Last week he got into a little scuffle at school. I asked him what happened, he said in that stilted, deliberate way of his, "Hit him." Oh boy! A+ for honesty but a D- for hitting.

"Hitting is never ok, Shea." I predictably repeat, way too many times. I worry if his frustration level is rising or things just got out of hand this one time. Without being a fly on the wall, it is really hard to know.

Up until recently, he has always been such an even tempered kid. I remember starting with Bubble Lady when he was three and there was not a hint of the contrary kid. I pointed this out to her but in her wisdom she predicted that it would probably appear...eventually. Of course she was right. With a vengeance.

Shea won't throw full scale tantrums usually but will be contrary just for the sake of contrariness. Or as they say, oppositional behavior. This plays out about 400 times a day with his sister. I hear he is a little better behaved with other kids at school, thankfully.

I expect this is just normal kid stuff and he will work through it eventually. But, I am aware that Shea is on his own schedule and may need to be reminded again and again about certain social lessons.

No hitting is a real big one.

Movie Review: Bolt

Both kids and I checked out "Bolt" last night. We hooked up with a variety of mom & kid friends and took over nearly a full row at our wonderful little Vashon Theatre.

The new Disney movie was a predictably tour-de-force adventure with consistently top wrung voice talent and Bolt was no disappointment.

The story was about a dog who plays an adventure hero on television with a kid spy. He doesn't realize that the adventures are just pretend since the truth has been kept from him intentionally. He has a rude awakening, makes some friends and has a wowzer of a cross country trip to get back to his beloved "person". Hilarity ensued.

For me, my favorite character was the hamster living his life in a Lucite ball watching way too much TV. And, the pigeons; all of them were just incredible.

One disturbing side story was the mother of the child star who was continually ignored and disregarded by the selfish and greedy agent. Reminding me of my severe skepticism for parents who push their children in that arena. At the end, the mother pays him back with a satisfying "We quit!" and kicks him out.

I thought it was a pretty solid lesson on how empty, lonely and weird growing up as a child star must be. Then come to find out, the voice for the child star was no other than Miley Cyrus aka Hannah Montana. Speaking of pimping your kid to Hollywood. The irony was not lost.

Basically, it was a fun movie. Molly really liked it but it was a little much for Shea. I would rent it again but not sure if I'd buy it.

Parental involvement: is there such a thing as too much?

One of the reasons we moved to this island was the school district. It was rumored to be excellent and it really is. There are many reasons for this but I think mainly it has to do with parental involvement.

I don't mean just the standard PTSA stuff which I have to say can be a bit limited in scope, personalities and function. But, instead I mean individual parental involvement like volunteering to help in the classroom, supporting a teacher with whatever they need, going with the class on a field trip or bringing a batch or two of muffins for a class party. There is a lot of that here and, frankly, the bar is set pretty high and it can be intimidating at first.

I try to help out in Molly's math class every week and last week the teacher was scurrying around looking for stuff for me to do. I assured him that I was here really to watch the kids. Oh, I would be happy to make copies, correct quizzes, whatever he needed. but I was really there to see the social dynamics up close and personal. He seemed relieved and just left me to settle in to watch the lesson and the dynamics unfold.

Taking note of the social dynamics is a big part of being involved. Knowing who your kid is talking about during particularly rocky or happy points throughout the year always makes me feel a little closer to my kid's experience and therefore she includes me more. Right now in 5th grade, I expect that isn't particularly novel but as we move through adolescence I will be glad I knew more than just the bare minimum about the kids that she sees everyday.

On the cusp of middle school, I hear from some parents that friendships become more important during those years. That success and happiness in middle school depends on the friends or "groups" the kid has and identifies with. Looking back at my own experience, I expect that could be true. I know one parent who is extremely focused on popularity; wanting her kids to be popular, wanting them to hang out with the popular kids and strangely over-focused on who those popular kids are. Honestly, I am left scratching my head. Is this a good example of arrested development? Or perhaps over-compensating for feelings of inadequacy in herself? Imagine being able to point out the most popular girl in your kid's grade!

I would sure hope after all these years, we could all agree that popularity in school doesn't necessarily have much to do with how life turns out. In fact, I would think that being a star in middle or high school can deter the personal growth needed to be successful after high school. I don't know, I suppose there are plenty of theories but I can honestly say that I couldn't care less if my kid is considered a "popular" kid or not because I realize how fleeting, shallow and not very representative those terms can be. Sure, I want them to be happy and have good friends especially during those critical years but to be popular at all costs? Hardly.

Let's keep our feet on the ground, our natural parental pride in bounds and keep our eyes on the prize; a happy healthy productive life for our kids.