We say "Weeeeee!" for Wii

Being late adopters, it takes us a while to jump on the bandwagon. But for Christmas, I buckled and got a Wii for the family.

First, I barely knew what I was buying and if it wasn't for my tech savvy 11 year old I would have given up with annoyance.

But the contraption has arrived and has become a much bigger presence in our house than the little box implied.

Secondly, who likes the Wii? Oh, I tried it out, did some bowling, even through my back out a bit from being to vigorous (the first Wii injury in the house?) but the blush is off now and I couldn't care less.

Shea is the undisputed Wii king with Molly popping in every once in a when her Facebook chat is not as stimulating as usual. Although, it seems to devolve into argument which was definitely NOT the idea.

But Jake is the surprise. I was hoping he would like the tennis or baseball but WOW! does he like tennis and baseball! Nightly Jake and Shea battle it out on the courts. Shea has always been amazingly athletic with good reflexes and excellent hand/eye coordination but I didn't really think it would roll over to the Wii. I mean it is just a blasted computer game right?

I guess not.

Jake says it is really fun to play with Shea because he is so good. In fact too good to bowl against as he bowls a consistent 200. Is that even possible?

So, out of a box and magically plugged into the TV, my boys connect nightly with wicked overhead slams and amazing cross court volleys.

Psychologically, I think it helps Jake's winter blehs. And, I know it is some excellent bonding glue for Shea who admittedly is a bit of a mommy's boy.

While Shea and Jake tear up the courts from the comfort of our TV room, Molly sends me abbreviated comments on Facebook chat.

"Hi!" and "How r u?" she types from the other room. I always drop what I am doing and answer back although I can't get the hang of the jargon.

In a fit of worry, I asked her, "Will you always be honest with me if I ask who you are chatting with?" She hedges as graphic fears reach up my gullet, coupled with visions of the creepiest creepster somehow getting access to my beautiful daughter.

Annoyed, she changes the subject, thinking that I am being nosy about what boy she likes or what so and so said in the hall and then "OMG! She said what?". It prompts yet another talk about creeps and keeping yourself safe and not chatting with people you don't know. She nods, grave, a bit scared at my seriousness.

And, when she is at school sometimes, I check to see what she has been up to.

I am a spy...for love.

Update on perfectionism

Well, as many of you probably predicted, my middle schooler came home from school on Monday with the exact opposite of mood then when she left. She dragged herself out and bounced her way in.

Meaning: she was no longer bleak and wimpy.

What happened to change the dynamic so drastically?

She talked with her teacher. Eureka!

You know, it really is amazing what happens when you open your mouth and communicate. People listen, begin to understand and changes can take place.

We are all about communication in this house, as freely and as unencumbered as possible. Within reason, of course!

She went to her band teacher, first thing, and asked if she could play the song for the quiz in private. I wish I was a fly on the wall to see how she looked: down cast, uncharacteristically glum, scared poop-less probably.

He said, (insert suspenseful music here - Dun-Dun-Dun!) "Of course, come in tomorrow morning before home room."

Wow! After all that! How anticlimactic! But, extremely illustrative to how we all build up so much manufactured anxiety when it really is no big deal. You know, like a mountain out of a mole hill?

I suppose these sorts of encounters need to happen because I am sure I would get the requisite eye ball roll if I regaled her about that mountain or that mole hill myself.

Some things you just have to go through.

I asked her how everyone else did on the quiz. I have to document this here because she only admits I was right fairly infrequently.

She said, "Mom, you were right. A bunch of other kids forgot about the quiz until Sunday night and had to scramble like me. And, one kid," (complete with blushes because it is the boy she likes) completely forgot and didn't realize there was a quiz until he walked into the band room!"

Ahh...sweet retribution.

So, she practiced the quiz song a good long while on Monday night and ended up getting 19 out of 20 the next morning.

Tragedy averted...until the next time.

Perfectionism and the art of beating yourself up

Those of you who know me, know I am no perfectionist. Jake - undoubtedly but not me.

So when I see that tendency in my middle school child, WSRN (who shall remain nameless) I am at a loss.

Usually she just flits happily through life, not settling too heavily on any one thing. All things are pretty interesting and entertaining and she enjoys tons of activities and pursuits to fill her time.

Last night (Sunday night) she remembered she had a band quiz on Monday morning. She literally panicked. Whipping out her flute, she tried to bang out the tune, had trouble, more trouble, just couldn't get it. Tears, worry, bleak heavy sighs. She wanted to miss school today because of this.

Hormones much?

I said, "It's just band! You have an A in the class. One bad quiz is not going to derail you. Do your best. If it is a hard song then others are going to have trouble too. You will not be the only one!" Insert all those practical, mom-ish type comments that come out of our mouths at time such as these.

With real tears welling in her huge brown eyes, she says "But we have to play it in front of everyone while they listen and people laugh and snicker if you make a mistake."

Ouch! Now, frankly I can relate to this anxiety! It sounds like a bad dream. I never liked being put on the spot like this but I guess this band instructor has a real "trial by fire" attitude and he wants the goods or else.

I ask, "Have you ever laughed when someone makes a mistake?" Internally cringing, knowing the answer.

"I try not to." she says sniffling pathetically.

OK. I am not trying to make light of this. In fact, I am sort of frightened that she is having such a strong reaction and beating herself up so expertly. My mind boggles at all the times in life stuff like this comes up. Miserable, uncomfortable moments when you feel like a complete jerk and/or loser. Unfortunately, you sort of have to go through a few of those before you realize, "Sheesh. I am never going to be that unprepared again!" And, really mean it.

Jake, perhaps because he recognizes this perfectionist trait, says "Just do your best, honey, and then we'll make sure this never happens again. I will help you. I promise." Good advise but, of course, it didn't make her feel any better.

This morning her mood was not much better. I guess it was particularly hard to see her like that because she is literally never like that! She is always boinging around and giggling, hassling the cat, yackity yacking, bouncing out the door. It is painful to see her drag herself around.

Hormones much?

As she nibbled her toast, I said, "I can't let you blow this quiz off. I would be teaching you a bad lesson and it would be really irresponsible of me. No, you can't stay home from school."

"But, will you let me "accidentally" forget my flute today?" she interjects hopefully.

"No, baby, that's bad mommy stuff. No can do."

So, we did a little scheming and she decided she would ask the instructor if she could be quizzed on the song in private. Without the bevy of gigglers laughing at her. I took her to school, encouraged her to go straight to the band room to talk with the instructor and see what he says.

I can't imagine any middle school band instructor no being softened by my kid with her big eyes full of tears, totally stressed out about a stupid song. But, I haven't heard the outcome yet. Who know, maybe it is all about weeding them out the first year.

But, that brings me back to my fears for her and this blasted perfectionism. This is a kid where everything has been pretty easy so far. She really takes to things quickly and can pull good grades without a herculean effort. If something is hard she wants to quit and go back to something she is good at. Therefore not being prepared for a quiz can throw her into a spiral?

That just seems to not bode well. I am not going to make a big deal out of this, I say over and over to myself. I expect her to bounce through the door, her normal chirpy self. Maybe we were right. It won't be as bad as she thought. Let's hope.

Update to come...

Grinding

What does the word "grind" bring to mind?

I think of coffee first and then a tool called a "grinder" and then the sandwich.

Never do I think of a simulated sexual act preformed fully clothed in a room full of people at a school dance.

Or I used to not but now I do.

Remember when a certain 6th grade girl (that shall remain nameless) went to her first dance? We mommys had an eye opening with the 8th grade grinders wowing all the little kids.

I risk being totally bagged for being a prude-y mom because I was such a rascal myself and you would be correct. But, I am not the only one.

The latest editorial in the Vashon Beachcomber, describes it exactly. Apparently the latest high school homecoming dance shocked and horrified enough parents that they get together on a Sunday and discussed how shocking it was! Full disclosure: I was not there.

The only rule for dancing is the girl can't bend over! Wow. Ok. I am not even sure what to say about that.

But obviously it has gotten the conversation going which is always a good thing. And one of the really nice thing about Vashon; we are a good size to have a real dialog in the public forum and can actually have a well rounded airing of an issue.

I guess I am just trying to figure out what is about this that is really bothering me. Is it because they are so young? Middle school does seem young to me; 11 - 13. And, there is a big hormone difference between 6th and 8th grade.

Maybe it's because they are doing this supposedly "private" thing right out in the middle of everything apparently without modesty?

Or is it that we are just letting them get away with too much? How bad will it backfire if we try and lower the boom on this sort of thing?

I guess finally I am afraid of the objectification and how the girls just seem to naturally slip into that role. I find it disturbing. I also want to hand them free condoms and birth control, STD information.

As parents, we are damned if we do, damned if we don't. If we lower the boom, it looks even sexier and if we allow it we are saying ok to sexual behavior in a public place.

So, what to do?

Instead of the Halloween dance tomorrow night, I am taking 4- 6th grade girls "over town" Bowling then back here for slumber party after. There are always other dances.

Padded training bras?

Ok. I probably shouldn't even get started on the sexualization of our young kids. You know, the thong underwear for 7 year olds and the little kids t-shirts that say, "little hottie", etc.

I know I am sounding like a prudish matron but come on! Padded training bras!?

While at Target to expand our big boy underwear selection, I thought I would kill two birds and pick up some back to school unmentionables for Molly.

How was I to know that the majority of the bras for her age and size were all padded. I had to really search for the good old fashioned, put what you really got into it, regular bra.

At the time, I exchanged some eye ball rolling with a fellow mom of a tween who was doing a similar search but I can't seem to let it move out of my brain pan.

Do our kids need to be little hottie's even before they hit puberty? Who is this for? Is it for them? Or is it for us, the parents? Or, is it just the ugly impersonal maw of consumerism tenderizing their youngest victims? Yes. And it's very icky.

It reminds me of those weird "Little princess" pageants that were all the rage in the 90's. Maybe they still are, I have no idea because I could never find any wisdom in decking out your 4 year old in sequins and eye make-up and teach her to walk in high heels on a stage. Yuck! Who knew there is probably thong underwear and a padded bra underneath the whole outfit.

Again, who do they do it for? The parents, of course but why would they do it? Are these basically stage parents who want to hit a "Hannah Montana-Brittney Spears" jackpot? Highly likely. And, if we are honest with ourselves, how did that work our for old Brittney?

I know, I know. That is a lot of musing brought on by a little girl's padded bra. But, it makes me take a second long look at my own pre-pubescent non-padded daughter. For right now, she is dressed in the middle school uni-sex uniform; baggy basketball shorts and a t-shirt.

How long will that last? I wish it was up to me.

Middle school orientation

I have been dreading these middle school years for my oldest. They were tough, rocky years for me and I sure didn't want that for her. Some stuff they just have to go through, that is for sure. Can't protect them forever, even though you want to.

Last night was the orientation for the parents; a Q&A with teachers, administrators and, best of all, some of the middle school kids.

The principal assured all us involved parents that they still want parental volunteers. Please, please, volunteer. So that was nice to know.

They had coordinated a panel of mentors, who were 7th graders, to discuss the 5th/6th grade transition. They stood out front and met (shaking hands! and surprisingly good grips!) with each parent as they arrived giving them an agenda of the evening. It was a little disconcerting to see kids that I had known from our multi-age class (1st, 2nd, 3rd grades) wearing make-up and curving out.

Each mentor took a turn talking about a fear as they were transitioning into 6th grade and a hi-point. It was the cutest darn thing I have seen in a while. Nervous giggles, wiggling feets, embarressed, blushing cheeks but managing to be really poised all the while.

Fears:

Couldn't find their class, getting lost
Not being able to open their locker
Getting picked on, bullying
Too much homework
Not being able to make friends
Having to get up really early

They assured us that non of their fears came to pass. Except having to get up early! Middle school and high school starts at 7:36 AM!

One kid said she used to want to stay up late and nagged her parents to be able to. Now, she says sleep is sacred and she willing goes to bed at 8:30. Yow!

Hi-lights:

Band
Changing classes
New friends
Fun teachers
Cool electives
Dances

Everything, I suspect, a parent would want to hear. But, it was a very sweet look into their heads and hearts.

I shook hands with a particularly engaging Humanities teacher, "I think we are going to get along just fine." I gave him a thumbs up sign.

I think/hope we are going to be just fine.

Gag order or my kid told me to shut up

I knew it would happen eventually. My oldest told me to stop blogging about her. So, here I am...trying not to blog about her.

She read a bunch of posts on my blog last night and was mad at me. Too much stuff about her. She is at that easily embarrassed age. She is right and I feel bad.

So, no more tid bits about her unless they are authorized.

I will miss it but she asked me and I need to honor her request.

Math is cool but mom sure isn't

Today is the Math is Cool competition.

5th graders from all over the region will meet up and go through a rigorous palate of math challenges testing a wide array of math skills at a centrally located high school off island. Each school groups their 16 participants into teams of 4 who will work together throughout the competition.

The scores are tallied and crunched through an undoubtedly dazzling equation to determine a winner.

How do I know so much about it? I went last year. It was a long afternoon and evening. Parents were not allowed into the challenges except for one instance so much of the time was spent sitting around in the hallways waiting and chatting with other parents.

At the end, we all met in the cafeteria, ate bad pizza and waited for the results. There are different divisions depending on the size of the school. And, when it was called out that our little Vashon school won the 1st place ribbon in our division, there were literal tears of joy.

The bus ride home was like riding a cloud for those kids and I will never, ever forget it. And, it's a good thing because I am not going this year.

I could if my presence was desired. Coincidentally, Bubble has canceled this week for a conference so I am amazingly free today. Very unusual for a Friday. So, I could ride the bus over, hang out all afternoon and ride back.

But, Molly does not want me to go. She says it would be embarrassing. I am not too proud to say that I wheedled a bit. I asked, "But what if Mr. Larson really needs more help?"

She said, "Well, if he really needs the help but I wish you wouldn't." Ouch.

OK. I can respect where she is coming from. She is getting to the age where it is excruciatingly embarrassing to even have parents, let alone an outgoing parent. Heaven forbid! I might actually hug her or say, I love you in front of her peers!

I am a little sad but not really. It is just a sign of her growing up. I have lots of memories where she did want me there. I can hang onto those for a bit.

I just hope that there comes a point when she will want me around again. Then, I will know that we have made it through. Not that it would be the last hurdle. Just one of many.

Go team!

UPDATE: The team came in 1st again this year in our division! They acted kind of nonchalant about it this time. It was a very long day. They left school at 1:30 and did not get back until 11:15 after missing a ferry. I could barely keep my eyes open although Molly was unsurprisingly bouncing off the walls. A good time was had by all.

Dazed and amazed

I am still in shock.

Yesterday, I received a letter from McMurray Middle School informing us of upcoming parents and student orientations, etc.

There has to be some mistake! How did I get on this list? Double take! Miss Molly? Are you going to be in 6th grade next year?

Oy!

After the initial disbelief wore off, I noticed that McMurray seems to have the "big transition" well planned. The middle school counselor visits all the 5th grades classes a couple of times, middle school teachers and band director come to enthuse about how darn cool it all is. There are multiple visits to the school for the kids with next year's 7th grade mentors. And, of course, the parents Q&A evening; "7:00 PM sharp, do not be tardy".

Am I freaked, nervous, jittery? Yes, I am. Why? I am trying to put my finger on it.

There is a general unease about the middle school years in general. Sex, drugs, depression, dangerous behaviors. I remember it well. But, these are more general worries about the age group, less to do with my specific kid.

I do certainly have "my specific kid" worries too. One thing, she is one of the youngest kids in her class. Academically, it has never been a problem. Socially? Maybe a bit. Hard to know. She is resilient and seems to bounce back but there is social stuff going even now that she doesn't seem to fathom. Is it necessary? Maybe not.

Teasing? Bullying? Sort of. But, she sees things very pragmatically. "So-and-so is being nice now. She is not so mean anymore." She feels it is safe to be friendly with that someone now. I think about the manipulative nature of kid-kind and cringe for the inevitable slap.

We certainly can't do it for them. Not that I haven't tried. But, I do vow to be present and aware of what, who and where she is spending her time.

I had a little too much unsupervised time when young. Did I take advantage and pursue risky behavior? You bet your bippy!

Jake kids about being one of the fathers rocking on the front porch with a shotgun waiting for his darling "pumpkin" to get home from a dance. Aside from the shotgun, it is not that far from the truth.

The pendulum does swing back. Both Jake and I had plenty of freedom during those years. We have seen the naughty up close and personal and we have decided that it isn't going to be that way for ours.

This too may backfire. Yet another parental leap of faith, I fear.

My tween

Has the term "tween" been around long enough to solidify in our lexicon? If not, I'll explain.

Wiki says:

"Tween" or Preadolescence: the stage between middle childhood and adolescence in human development, generally in the age range of 10 to 12 years of age.

Yep, this is what I am talking about. I see it everyday. Wide swings between; moodiness, the grumps, the sillys and back again. Moods change quickly and little bits of information fluff out during transitions.

Bullys, mean girls stuff, what a boy said to her on the bus, getting in trouble in class. She tends to sit on information, digesting it but usually shares eventually. I can only pray that continues.

She says she has a guilty conscious. She means that when she does something "wrong" then she feels guilty. Right now, it's stuff like saying "hell" at school. "I wish I didn't have such a guily conscious." she pouts.

"Your conscious is the traffic sign inside yourself that tells you when not to do stuff. I am glad you have a good solid conscious. I hope it will keep you safe." I say.

"What if I have already done something that I feel bad about?"

"Then you hopefully won't do it again."

These days, it is not unusual for Molly to initially be grumpy or moody about pretty much everything; activities, functions, etc. Even if she wanted to do them in the first place but grumpy about it when the time comes.

I try not to pay too much attention. My new barometer is: will she be jollied out of the grumps by the end. And, usually that is the case. She grumps into voice lesson and boings out. She grumps about tennis camp but then loves it.

Basically, she is a very up, enthusiastic person. So, getting to know this grumpy, moody person is like....well...honestly...looking back at myself when I was that age. A scary thought indeed.

No...tickling...me!

I'm trying as hard as I can to stay out of it. The noise and stomping ebbs and flows, only coming to a peak when someone gets hurt or a line has been crossed. Molly and Shea wrestle, tickle, bug, hassle, badger, provoke, annoy each other unmercifully. All the time. I suppose this is a sibling's job and I try to stay out of it for as long as my frazzled nerves will allow me to. Periodically I holler, "Hey, what's going on?" Silence. And, the cycle repeats itself.

When I hear Shea speaking full sentences (granted short ones) while sticking up for himself, I know that this is as it should be. Molly is Shea's most ardent and beloved teacher and playmate. She can get him to try things that I can only chalk up to hero worship.

I wonder if they will always be friends? Or at least playmates? I remember vividly my brother and I fighting unrelentingly. I remember saying and doing awful, just awful things. I still feel guilty about some of it. But, now I can say that my brother David is one of my favorite people on the earth. I would literally do anything for him. He cracks me up like no one else can and I just adore his positive attitude and generous spirit. I sure hope Molly and Shea will be able to have that unique connection some day.

Molly is 5 1/2 years older than Shea. My brother David and I were 13 months apart. A very, very different dynamic admittedly.

Molly, now 10, is heading into big girl time. The evidence is everywhere. She spent the day searching and downloading pop songs to load onto her i-pod. I don't know any of these tunes but she does, somehow. We spent yesterday watching Mamma Mia, the fabulous musical featuring dozens of Abba tunes that I somehow remember the words to and the perennially sexy Merle Streep. Molly snickered and swooned a little at the romantic bits and has been singing the songs ever since.

I feel adolescence barreling down on me like a steam roller. I know we will somehow get through it but I wonder what it will be like for Shea. Will Molly have any time for Shea anymore? Will her "special" little brother have any room in her day, life, thoughts? It's not her job, I know. But, I sure do appreciate her involvement and it sure would be a different family without her.

Heavy negotiations or bargaining for every little thing

I don't know if it is Molly's age (10) or just her personality but life seems to be one big negotiation session...about everything.

For example, whether or not she can;

Stay up later, not take a bath until tomorrow, have her advent chocolate in the morning or right before dinner, pick up her room later, not wear a coat to school, find out what I got her for Christmas, etc. etc.

On one hand I wonder if this is the road signs of a spoiled rotten, entitled kid? On the other, is this her way of pushing boundaries and seeing which limits are set? Or is this just adolescence?

Which ever hand it is, it's just plain exhausting to be constantly in deep negotiations over the most mundane things in life. Ok, granted, mundane for me, maybe not for her.

I tell her she may grow up to be a diplomat at the UN, a lawyer or a professional negotiator. She suspects I'm kidding I'm not.