A brief glance at dance or The grounding of the Grind

Once there were the flappers
way back in the day,
the way they flapped and bared their legs
was considered quite risque.

Then there was the "Lindy"
and of course the "Jitter-bug"
the adults didn't like it,
all this "cutting of the rug".

In the 50's it was Elvis
who ground a bit himself.
It took the Beatles and the 60's
to put him on the shelf.

The "Boogaloo", the "Billy",
the "Shimmy" and the "Twist",
My older sister became a twister
and Boy! my folks were pissed.

In my time it was Disco,
a dance we all regret.
I shudder just to hear the word,
I'd just as soon forget.

With the "Rappers" came the "Breakers",
with the "Hippers" came the "Hop".
"Could you please turn down the volume!
Will this nonsense never stop?"

Now the kids are grinding
and it makes use geezers flip.
All the grabbing and the groping
and the gripping of the hip.

So if you grind you're grounded
and if you're grounded you may find
Saying to yourself,
"My god, my mothers lost her mind!"

"This grinding must be grounded,
if not by reason then by force."
Its always been that parents
don't want their kids to "intercourse".

So if you find yourself
at a Vashon High School dance,
just relax and take a deep breath
For at least they're wearing pants.

By Jake Dillon

Remember the "grinding" controversy?

A very smart young man decided to help us all out last week and give us the teen perspective on the grinding issue.

For the record, I thought he did an okay job but the threat is a little annoying and predictable.

What do you think?

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Misconceptions abound about grinding

I am a 17-year-old senior at Vashon High School and have followed the discussion in The Beachcomber in regards to “grinding.” I have found some of the arguments made to be inaccurate and even offensive.

There seems to be a widespread misconception among adults on the Island that grinding is completely about sex and nothing else. However, when asked if they’d ever felt that their dancing partner’s actions towards them were disturbing or unwelcome, only 16 out of 359 who responded to a survey I issued at school on Monday said yes.

Most dancing partners at VHS are either dating or are friends and have agreed to dance with each other. It’s seen as inappropriate for a guy to simply walk up and start grinding on a girl. This week’s survey revealed that the students who are uncomfortable with it are by far the exception rather than the rule.

There’s no denying the fact that there are some students who choose not to participate. I didn’t even go to dances during my freshman year, but over time I gained the confidence to join in. Grinding is the chosen dance style of our generation, which explains why 70 percent of VHS students surveyed said they would not support a ban on the dance.

This is a common issue among high schools in the United States, with parents concerned about the alleged sexual nature of grinding. At Sequim High School, a new edict called the “face-to-face-and-leave-some-space” rule is being enforced, and dance attendance has plummeted. Their student body is over 1,000 strong, more than twice the size of VHS. Even with that many kids to draw from, they only sold 190 tickets to a recent dance.

At VHS, a similar drop would equate to the sale of around 80 tickets. Besides the fact that most kids just have a lot more fun at well-attended dances, these events are some of the biggest moneymakers for our student leadership cabinet. Programs would suffer if dance attendance fell so dramatically.

Referring to grinding as dry humping and clothed sex is a gross jump to a wrong conclusion. Similar objections were raised in the 60s and 70s because of dances like the Twist that involve little to no physical contact. Attempted parental control of those dances was unsuccessful and only resulted in kids seeking alternative opportunities to dance the way that they liked. When surveyed as to whether or not grinding was offensive or inappropriate, only 22 out of 359 students surveyed responded in the positive.

Some of us at VHS thought that the meeting Sunday at the elementary school to discuss grinding was meant as a good opportunity for the students to get in touch with the adults, and we were under the impression that a compromise was to be reached. But during the opening remarks, Superintendent Michael Soltman announced that “grinding is over.” Speaking for the students who attended, an absolute statement like that certainly didn’t set the stage to work out a deal.

A number of parents felt that grinding was an exclusive dance that left many students standing on the sidelines. For many VHS students, eliminating grinding will mean they no longer wish to attend the dance and will be effectively excluded. This seems hypocritical to me. I think that in this case, alternatives must be brought to the table in order to avoid a parting of ways between the student body and VHS-sanctioned dances.

— Eli Hoyt, a senior at Vashon High School, is active in student affairs.

School Dance Network

Thanks goes out to Ric from School Dance Network, a website designed for school administrators to educate themselves on the latest teen dance issues.

He spotted my Grinding article and invited me to visit there pretty darn cool site. They are the originators of the Do Not playlist for school dances; songs that have excessive profanity, sexual or violent lyrics. And, demystify what those wacky kids are up to.

They also have some good information on how school can handle the Grinding issue at their school.

And, come to find out he is just some dad from here in the NW that started this whole thing up. Good for you, Ric!

Check it out!

"My name is Richard Mattson. I am a father of a teen, a former radio station manager and a friend to administrators at every age level. I created the School Dance Network to help school districts, principals, dance administrators and parents sort out teen trends, and find the best ways to provide a great school social event, that’s not only fun for the students but in good taste.The School Dance Network provides usable updated tools for administrators to create fun, appropriate and positive dance events at schools. There is no charge....just register your school and start taking advantage of the many tools. Your input is always welcome and our phone line is always open to our members: 1-800-217-9930."

Grinding

What does the word "grind" bring to mind?

I think of coffee first and then a tool called a "grinder" and then the sandwich.

Never do I think of a simulated sexual act preformed fully clothed in a room full of people at a school dance.

Or I used to not but now I do.

Remember when a certain 6th grade girl (that shall remain nameless) went to her first dance? We mommys had an eye opening with the 8th grade grinders wowing all the little kids.

I risk being totally bagged for being a prude-y mom because I was such a rascal myself and you would be correct. But, I am not the only one.

The latest editorial in the Vashon Beachcomber, describes it exactly. Apparently the latest high school homecoming dance shocked and horrified enough parents that they get together on a Sunday and discussed how shocking it was! Full disclosure: I was not there.

The only rule for dancing is the girl can't bend over! Wow. Ok. I am not even sure what to say about that.

But obviously it has gotten the conversation going which is always a good thing. And one of the really nice thing about Vashon; we are a good size to have a real dialog in the public forum and can actually have a well rounded airing of an issue.

I guess I am just trying to figure out what is about this that is really bothering me. Is it because they are so young? Middle school does seem young to me; 11 - 13. And, there is a big hormone difference between 6th and 8th grade.

Maybe it's because they are doing this supposedly "private" thing right out in the middle of everything apparently without modesty?

Or is it that we are just letting them get away with too much? How bad will it backfire if we try and lower the boom on this sort of thing?

I guess finally I am afraid of the objectification and how the girls just seem to naturally slip into that role. I find it disturbing. I also want to hand them free condoms and birth control, STD information.

As parents, we are damned if we do, damned if we don't. If we lower the boom, it looks even sexier and if we allow it we are saying ok to sexual behavior in a public place.

So, what to do?

Instead of the Halloween dance tomorrow night, I am taking 4- 6th grade girls "over town" Bowling then back here for slumber party after. There are always other dances.