School Dance Network

Thanks goes out to Ric from School Dance Network, a website designed for school administrators to educate themselves on the latest teen dance issues.

He spotted my Grinding article and invited me to visit there pretty darn cool site. They are the originators of the Do Not playlist for school dances; songs that have excessive profanity, sexual or violent lyrics. And, demystify what those wacky kids are up to.

They also have some good information on how school can handle the Grinding issue at their school.

And, come to find out he is just some dad from here in the NW that started this whole thing up. Good for you, Ric!

Check it out!

"My name is Richard Mattson. I am a father of a teen, a former radio station manager and a friend to administrators at every age level. I created the School Dance Network to help school districts, principals, dance administrators and parents sort out teen trends, and find the best ways to provide a great school social event, that’s not only fun for the students but in good taste.The School Dance Network provides usable updated tools for administrators to create fun, appropriate and positive dance events at schools. There is no charge....just register your school and start taking advantage of the many tools. Your input is always welcome and our phone line is always open to our members: 1-800-217-9930."

Grinding

What does the word "grind" bring to mind?

I think of coffee first and then a tool called a "grinder" and then the sandwich.

Never do I think of a simulated sexual act preformed fully clothed in a room full of people at a school dance.

Or I used to not but now I do.

Remember when a certain 6th grade girl (that shall remain nameless) went to her first dance? We mommys had an eye opening with the 8th grade grinders wowing all the little kids.

I risk being totally bagged for being a prude-y mom because I was such a rascal myself and you would be correct. But, I am not the only one.

The latest editorial in the Vashon Beachcomber, describes it exactly. Apparently the latest high school homecoming dance shocked and horrified enough parents that they get together on a Sunday and discussed how shocking it was! Full disclosure: I was not there.

The only rule for dancing is the girl can't bend over! Wow. Ok. I am not even sure what to say about that.

But obviously it has gotten the conversation going which is always a good thing. And one of the really nice thing about Vashon; we are a good size to have a real dialog in the public forum and can actually have a well rounded airing of an issue.

I guess I am just trying to figure out what is about this that is really bothering me. Is it because they are so young? Middle school does seem young to me; 11 - 13. And, there is a big hormone difference between 6th and 8th grade.

Maybe it's because they are doing this supposedly "private" thing right out in the middle of everything apparently without modesty?

Or is it that we are just letting them get away with too much? How bad will it backfire if we try and lower the boom on this sort of thing?

I guess finally I am afraid of the objectification and how the girls just seem to naturally slip into that role. I find it disturbing. I also want to hand them free condoms and birth control, STD information.

As parents, we are damned if we do, damned if we don't. If we lower the boom, it looks even sexier and if we allow it we are saying ok to sexual behavior in a public place.

So, what to do?

Instead of the Halloween dance tomorrow night, I am taking 4- 6th grade girls "over town" Bowling then back here for slumber party after. There are always other dances.

Padded training bras?

Ok. I probably shouldn't even get started on the sexualization of our young kids. You know, the thong underwear for 7 year olds and the little kids t-shirts that say, "little hottie", etc.

I know I am sounding like a prudish matron but come on! Padded training bras!?

While at Target to expand our big boy underwear selection, I thought I would kill two birds and pick up some back to school unmentionables for Molly.

How was I to know that the majority of the bras for her age and size were all padded. I had to really search for the good old fashioned, put what you really got into it, regular bra.

At the time, I exchanged some eye ball rolling with a fellow mom of a tween who was doing a similar search but I can't seem to let it move out of my brain pan.

Do our kids need to be little hottie's even before they hit puberty? Who is this for? Is it for them? Or is it for us, the parents? Or, is it just the ugly impersonal maw of consumerism tenderizing their youngest victims? Yes. And it's very icky.

It reminds me of those weird "Little princess" pageants that were all the rage in the 90's. Maybe they still are, I have no idea because I could never find any wisdom in decking out your 4 year old in sequins and eye make-up and teach her to walk in high heels on a stage. Yuck! Who knew there is probably thong underwear and a padded bra underneath the whole outfit.

Again, who do they do it for? The parents, of course but why would they do it? Are these basically stage parents who want to hit a "Hannah Montana-Brittney Spears" jackpot? Highly likely. And, if we are honest with ourselves, how did that work our for old Brittney?

I know, I know. That is a lot of musing brought on by a little girl's padded bra. But, it makes me take a second long look at my own pre-pubescent non-padded daughter. For right now, she is dressed in the middle school uni-sex uniform; baggy basketball shorts and a t-shirt.

How long will that last? I wish it was up to me.

Dazed and amazed

I am still in shock.

Yesterday, I received a letter from McMurray Middle School informing us of upcoming parents and student orientations, etc.

There has to be some mistake! How did I get on this list? Double take! Miss Molly? Are you going to be in 6th grade next year?

Oy!

After the initial disbelief wore off, I noticed that McMurray seems to have the "big transition" well planned. The middle school counselor visits all the 5th grades classes a couple of times, middle school teachers and band director come to enthuse about how darn cool it all is. There are multiple visits to the school for the kids with next year's 7th grade mentors. And, of course, the parents Q&A evening; "7:00 PM sharp, do not be tardy".

Am I freaked, nervous, jittery? Yes, I am. Why? I am trying to put my finger on it.

There is a general unease about the middle school years in general. Sex, drugs, depression, dangerous behaviors. I remember it well. But, these are more general worries about the age group, less to do with my specific kid.

I do certainly have "my specific kid" worries too. One thing, she is one of the youngest kids in her class. Academically, it has never been a problem. Socially? Maybe a bit. Hard to know. She is resilient and seems to bounce back but there is social stuff going even now that she doesn't seem to fathom. Is it necessary? Maybe not.

Teasing? Bullying? Sort of. But, she sees things very pragmatically. "So-and-so is being nice now. She is not so mean anymore." She feels it is safe to be friendly with that someone now. I think about the manipulative nature of kid-kind and cringe for the inevitable slap.

We certainly can't do it for them. Not that I haven't tried. But, I do vow to be present and aware of what, who and where she is spending her time.

I had a little too much unsupervised time when young. Did I take advantage and pursue risky behavior? You bet your bippy!

Jake kids about being one of the fathers rocking on the front porch with a shotgun waiting for his darling "pumpkin" to get home from a dance. Aside from the shotgun, it is not that far from the truth.

The pendulum does swing back. Both Jake and I had plenty of freedom during those years. We have seen the naughty up close and personal and we have decided that it isn't going to be that way for ours.

This too may backfire. Yet another parental leap of faith, I fear.