Allergies and all the attached woes

This has been a particularly weird year for allergies. Those of you in the NW will know what I mean. Summer didn't even start here until well into July.

Yes, that's right. July! Summer in the NW never was kookier.

The good news was we did not have our normal horrible allergy June because it was so wet and cool. The bad news is that now that it is behaving like summer, our grass and pollen allergies are now kicking our butts and winning big time.

The only one who doesn't seem affected is Molly. Go figure! Jake, Shea and I are mucus factories and I fantasize about inventing a tissue box harness so that I can carry a whole box around with me as I try to conduct my daily life. Jake one ups me and decides it needs an i-pod holder with detachable "used" kleenex annex discreetly attached.

I tell him to start sketching, that we may have something here!

Because I have gone through allergy hell for a few years now, I am beginning to notice interesting little things. Like if it rains, our symptoms go away. I guess the moisture knocks the pollen count down or something but it is nice to look outside and be somewhat relieved by clouds and mist in the summer months.

Also, I have eagle eyes peeled on our #1 allergy boy, Shea. Because he is so behaviorally sensitive to his food allergies, I guess I should not have been surprised to find that the environmental allergies have a huge effect on him too. Not just your normal runny nose, scratchy eyes misery but full blown behavior changes.

For example: more clingy, more whiny, less focused, fewer words with a few steps back in his verbal development. I notice that I need to remind him to "Use his words" and that he is reverting back a bit to the crooning and meowing and head butting that he used to do.

Is this all allegy related? I have not the foggiest but it is interesting that it seems to be occurring now.

We are trying something new this year; Claritin and frankly symptoms do seem to dissipate. I feel bad nuking my kid with the stuff but I try to tell myself that the allergies are worse than the cure. If he was a highly verbal little guy, he might be able to articulate whether he feels better or not. But, he is not that fellow.

When asked how he feels he routinely says, "Fine, mom. Good!" Sweet little parrot, spunky positive attitude boy ~ you get my "Put the best face on it" award. But, that is Shea and his life and discomforts are his "normal", miserable with allergies or not.

Unfortunately, our beloved OT takes the summer off and he could be just really missing her and the excellent therapy for Sensory Processing Disorder he usually gets weekly during the school year. Or perhaps his allergies exacerbate the problem? Again, who knows for sure.

So much of parenting is a guessing game. A very humbling, guessing game. I find that I second guess myself all the time, trying for the perfect cocktail of love, work, therapy and play for my kids.

Is it perfect? No. It never is and never will be. It is what it is, as they say.

Wouldn't it be great if we could one day find out if what we did was the right thing to do? Or maybe that would suck! Parents make decisions about raising their children for all different reasons, emotions and situational dynamics. If we found out for sure what did work, we would have to find out what did not work and frankly I am not sure I could handle that sort of reality slap.

So, we skate blind using only intuition, faith, fear, joy and love for road signs. With a bulging box of kleenex in tow. Whatever it takes.

Impulse control and other lessons from the playground

Shea told us a relatively long and involved story tonight at dinner. In his halting way, he told us about his friend "Pete" who was mean to "Bill" and how "Pete" won't listen to "Bill" when "Bill" says stop.

Disclaimer: The names have been changed to protect the innocent and the not so innocent.

We had a good long talk about it and I proclaimed all sorts of parental type comments like; how a friend needs to "use their listening ears" and when a friend says "No!" or "Stop!" that you just need to listen to them. Sometimes these phrases come out of my mouth and I wonder who I am. Where did that come from? Honestly, I must have heard it myself many, many, many times before it flowed so effortlessly.

He sagely nods as if this is literally child's play for him and he already has this very simple life lesson nailed.

But he doesn't.

In fact, I find it interested that he wants to share this story with us now because it seems to be the exact issue that the teachers were bringing up about him on the playground.

Shea gets out there with the 50+ Kindergartners and gets revved up like an engine with faulty brakes. I know. 50! No wonder?

He wants to chase and play tag and do all sort of rough and tumble sorts of games and he may have several kids who are just fine with it for a time but when they have had enough, Shea has a tough time switching gears.

This is something we are working on and thankfully making progress on. And, now as I hear him regale us with this somewhat involved tale of how his naughty friend is doing the exact same thing, I find it charming and telling.

He is processing this lesson, somewhere in that sweet blond head, cataloging; defining; arranging; working it into the fabric of how he fits into the world; how friends are made and kept; how play stays play and doesn't turn into getting into trouble.

How many times does it take to say something for someone to learn? Answer: Depends on the person. With Shea it takes a bit of repetition for him to get it but that we already know.

He will get it. In fact, he is on his way to "getting it" right now.

Thanks "Pete" and "Bill"! You are keys to this puzzle.

Train wreck: the good, bad and the ugly

The good? Actually the good is real good.

Our new Speech and behavior therapist gal came on Monday. She came to my house. Shea needed about 47 seconds to be shy then invited her to play magnets.

They had a wonderful time. She pushes a little harder then some, insisting he says a word not just once, but 3 or 4 times. It went really well and I look forward to having her input all summer.

The bad? Shea is doing Mini-hawks sports summer camp. All week, from 8:30 to 11:30, they (39 little kids 4 - 6) play and learn about baseball, soccer and basketball. After 3 solid hours of play, I know they are tired but they get out right next to the big playground at the elementary school. It is nearly impossible to not let him play a while after wards.

Shea wants to be the fastest, climbing the highest, running, jumping, doing circus tricks. On the playground he is a leader but just doesn't have the language and socials skills to deal with that role. Basically he is getting more and more cranked up. And, not in a good way.

One little boy points at Shea and said, "That boy made Logan cry today." I tried to find out what happened, tracked the boy down, heard what happened. I guess Shea took his hat and wouldn't give it back and then started hitting.

I apologized to him and tried to explain that Shea doesn't have many words and talking is hard for him. That he didn't do it to be mean.

Well. It was going down hill fast. I feel I need to jump right on it if Shea hits. I am not going to just hang back and let my kid hit some other kid and not deal with it. I corrected him once and hoped he could keep it together if he just calmed down. I probably should have just taken him home then. Implement a 1 strike you are out rule.

I am sure this is part of his Sensory Integration issues. He gets so cranked up when he is playing with lots of other kids that he is literally whirling top speed, no time to STOP and communicate, no time to listen to his mom, no time to focus on his behavior. He starts hitting. You know, train wreck we are on our way.

The ugly?

Shea went to play on a big dome climber and, of course, all the other little boys followed him over. The behavior continues and he hits the same kid again. I jump right on it again but he is inside the dome. And, get this...he is running away from me, eluding and ignoring me. Will not come to me. Laughingly he continues to elude me while my blood is beginning to boil, I am saying the old, "you come here right now! I am going to count to 3. Shea! I mean it. I want to talk to you."

Pointless. He thinks it just hilarious that he doesn't have to listen to me and that I can't get him.

Until, I moved my fat butt right on down and climb inside that stupid dome and grabbed him, peeled his fingers off the bars and jettisoned him out from under that dome. I literally had to physically remove him from the area with dozens of mothers, fathers and other kids watching. He was still trying to run from me and refusing to walk. We had a long, excruciating, not very gentle walk all the way across the playground with Shea in full melt down rotten kid mode and me barely able to keep from completely exploding.

Absolute horror show.

Tomorrow? I don't think so. Time to shake up the dynamic. We are going to the pool.

Seattle therapy network

This seems like happy news for Special Families in the South Seattle Area. Wanted to pass it on to you. OX

Welcome to Seattle Therapy Network, a pediatric therapy center created by Sherryl DeVries and Carey Goldenberg. We provide a family-centered and collaborative therapeutic community to address the holistic needs of your family. Our pediatric occupational and physical therapy services are offered in a unique, urban community space designed to elicit child-directed activity and family-centered practice. We are conveniently located in the heart of the Georgetown neighborhood, just a few miles south of downtown Seattle, and are easily accessed from I-405/I-5 interchange, routes 99, and 509. (5021 Colorado Ave. S, Seattle, WA 98134) )

Seattle Therapy Network provides services in a newly designed 2200 square foot space. We offer one large therapy gym with specialized equipment to engage your child in all sensory-based movement. We have installed specialized ceiling hooks to utilize a variety of unique suspended equipment such as lycra hammocks, swings, and trapezes. Additionally, three small therapy spaces provide a quiet and private environment for your child to work and play. These small spaces are perfect for myofascial release, craniosacral work, fine motor and self-help work, or just a smaller environment for a child who needs a less stimulating space.

Seattle Therapy Network assures that your family is treated with respect as your child with special needs is engaged and motivated in fun, functional, and therapeutic activities. We also strive to connect you with community resources and coordinate our care with the other professionals in your child’s life.

We specialize in sensory integration, yoga for for children with special needs, myofascial release and cranialsacral technique, and interventions for children with autism. While focusing primarily on infants, children and adolescents with special needs, Seattle Therapy Network also offers services to adult caregivers to optimize their health and ability to nurture.

Constraint Induced Therapy (CIT) Helper Hands Camp starting July 13-31, 2009 and August 10-28, 2009

Helper Hands Camp is an evidenced-based constraint induced therapy program offering motor therapy for children with limited motor function of one side of their body (hemiplegia). Helper Hands Camp will provide 21 days of intensive training of the arm with limited motor function while the non-affected arm is constrained in a long arm cast. Each child will be evaluated by occupational and physical therapist prior to camp. We are dedicated to measuring outcomes and will reassess with follow-up visits. Helper Hands Camp offers one-on-one Occupational Therapy, one-on-one Physical Therapy and direct therapeutic group activities which include: art; cooking, music/movement; and community based activities. This camp is designed for 2-4 children per session and organized in age groups to include preschool, school-age, and teens.

Sherryl DeVries, MSPT Carey Goldenberg, OTR/L
Re.lax Ther.a.py Giant Steps Children’s Therapy
206.850.7508 206.393.8546

My son is a cat

Shea always did plenty of verbalizing as a baby which made us all the more confused when the babbling and the words would not come. At a very young age, he developed a pretty impressive variety of squeaks, coos and grunts. He did point, which I guess is a big deal, and was certainly able to get his needs understood through his own means.

When he is tired or in a particularly snuggy mood he makes this sound like a meow or a tuneless keening. Later when he could talk a little more, I asked him, "What are you saying, Shea?" And, he said, "Kitty" I asked him who was a kitty and he pointed to himself.

Now, that he has more control of his mouth and has a wider vocabulary, he actually says that he is a kitty. He tells me that I am the mom kitty and then he lovingly butts his head into me, meowing.

Granted, this is a lovey sound, a happy, cozy cat sound. I remember trying to describe this unusual behavior to the psychologist as the UW CHDD. She was a particularly officious person with a very blank, professional demeanor throughout the exam and testing. I said that he has this specific vocalization for when he is hugging, tired or lovey that sounded like a cat's meow. In fact, he calls himself a cat.

Something cracked in her face and she gave me a genuine, "Aw. How sweet". I was only offering the story as a sample of his relationships and communication skills. But, I remember it vividly and really it was one of the more truly human moments of the experience.

Not only does he talk like a cat, he rubs his head on you like a cat. Now, I know that this has something to do with his Sensory Integration issues but, never the less, he rubs his head or head butts you like a happy cat that wants a pat. If encouraged, he will also crawl around on the floor and "pretend" to be a cat.

It is true that we already have 3 cats whose job is supposed to keep the rodent population at bay. Shea does have a special relationship with them; all 3 and will sit and discuss cat type things with them for as long as they will allow. But, Shea is our favorite cat who gets special favor and treatment as a key part of the family.

Update: Shea's fine motor and Sensory issues

We had the long awaited meeting about Shea getting OT services through the school. He had recently been re-tested with the Peabody for fine motor skills and they also ran the Sensory Integration test too.

There weren't many real surprises; Shea has significant sensory integration issues. He is Hypo vs. Hyper meaning that he needs extra stimuli, big touch, heavy weight, lots of movement. This kind of makes sense because of his "low" lone issue in his face. But, the schools don't give services for Sensory Integration issues; our only chance was to have him qualify for fine motor.

It's all good information but the piece by piece conversation cataloging in detail all of Shea's "challenges" is always really hard to hear.

I wonder why they don't automatically start off with what the kid is good at but they didn't. I suppose they are trying to be economical with time and just jump right in but it always makes me pissed, defensive and depressed as I am sitting there.

So, after all that, Shea's fine motor skills did not test low enough for him to get services so basically the whole meeting was for naught. We did get to talk about a lot of uncomfortable things there were pretty upsetting for me though. Like how Shea is pretty aggressive and explosive on the playground; hitting and pushing.

Because of his hypo-sensitivity issues, they are going to try some new things. For example: they would like to put a big pad out in the playground up against the fence. This would be a "bounce off" area where it will be ok to push, and hit and run into it at high speed. Great. Something tells me that will be a popular area among the boys of the class whether they have "sensory issues" or not. They also suggested a big, thick nylon rope for tug-o-war.

I brought up the sibling issue again. Molly is Shea's prime role model on everything and I know that how they play together is effecting how is playing with the other kids. I had suggested before that Molly could come to the class for a visit so that their interactions could be observed and maybe some gentle suggestions could be made. By someone other than me. I've tried, believe me. I am the broken record but if a counselor or Shea's teacher could talk with Molly and give her some advise I think it would go a long way.

That suggest sort of went flat last year and no one seemed to have the time. But, at this latest meeting, Shea's teacher suggested for Molly to come visit during recess and that she would talk to her. I think we will try that.

The potty training came up again, of course. Apparently they are having no success at school and not really even trying. In P-4, they don't really encourage kids to go potty together so he is getting no role model action there. Last year in P-3 they did but now they are big kids and it is a privacy issue. They also don't want to stigmatize him or make it obvious to the other kids which could be bad or embarrassing down the road. I guess they are right.

So, we are in the same place we have always been but a meeting like this seems to suck the optimism right out of the room. There is something about having all these challenges painted out one by one before your eyes that is very disconcerting.

I know they are doing their best and they like Shea and want to see him succeed. I do value their input and appreciate the time they spend. But, it does point out how rigid this system is, how the bell curve rules and being inside or outside the standard deviation is the prime discussion point.

I like the suggestions of different kinds of play or something new to try. You know, real life stuff. But, when someone shoves a sheet of paper with numbers all over it, I tend to go blank and get irritated. This is my son! Not a data group!

"You know, this doesn't mean anything to me. Please don't waste your time going through all these numbers because it doesn't mean anything. Let's just talk about Shea." I suppose I was rude. I don't really blame them, this is the pool they swim in.

Rough patch

Shea got into trouble today at school. Something about hitting or bugging the other kids? It wasn't quite clear and I, of course, wasn't there at the time but I can imagine.

His teacher came out to have one of those heart to heart talks with Shea and I just as I picked him up. Shea must've just been pulled for a time out or something because he was in full crying, melt down mode. Not a common thing which makes me think he was pretty tired or maybe could be getting a little sick.

"I think Shea was playing at being a fierce tiger or dinosaur or something and was growling and pretending to claw at the other kids. Some of them did not want to play that way and told him so but Shea would not stop."

I said, "Oh. So you were bugging the other kids, Shea? Did someone pop you in the nose to make you stop?"

Teacher was horrified, "No, no, no! Nothing like that." I never really did find out the full story of what really happened because meanwhile Shea is still sobbing and really beginning to work us over. In this situation, my strategy is to move on to something else, change the scene, transition to something else. But, he was still worked up and hit me as I was getting his stuff to go.

The teacher kept apologizing. I am not sure why. I guess she was sorry that I had to pick up a crying kid. Hey, everyone has their moments; Shea included.

But, this is an example of something that has brewing for a while and I can't quite put my finger on it. Part of it has to do with the way Shea and Molly play together which is very physical. They wrestle and tickle and hug and jump on each other. This, of course, does not work with the other kids. Other than yelling myself hoarse anytime Molly and Shea play rough, I don't know how to change the dynamic. I mean, they love each other to distraction and frankly they should be able to play with each other the way they like to. Within reason, right?

But, then again, how does a kid like Shea learn appropriate social dynamics when Molly is throwing conflicting cues into the mix all the time? Don't get me wrong, this is not Molly's fault but I do wish there was a way to help her see that she is teaching him how to interact with the world. And, those lessons may be making it harder for him to get along.

Another part of this is his Sensory Integration issue which makes him very excitable and frustrated in crowds. He gets really worked up and, of course, can't communicate at the pace or volume as anyone around him. Sometimes he just stops trying and hits the wall. I have seen him strike out from pure frustration; everything is moving too fast for him and he doesn't know how to cope.

Sometimes Shea's progress seems dazzling and I am filled with hope and enthusiasm for the future. And, then sometimes just a little thing like "don't hit" derails all the optimism and shoots me down a road of worry, concern and pessimistic thoughts.

There really isn't anything else to do but soldier on. Some days are better than others.

Occupational Therapy or fun at Lauri's playground

Bubble lady mentioned to me last fall, that Shea might have some Sensory Integration issues. Ok. What's that?

Wikipedia says, "is a neurological disorder causing difficulties with processing information from the five classic senses (vision, auditory, touch, olfaction, and taste) the sense of movement (vestibular system), and/or the positional sense (proprioception).

I thought I knew what Bubble lady was talking about. I had noticed that Shea leads with his head; meaning he would whip his head around, bump up against you with his head, lay his head on you and push.

I had also recently noticed that he would get overexcited in group situations and "melt down". He didn't seem to have the coping skills or the language to be able to deal with the excitement and craziness of being surrounded by lots of kids like for example; a playground.

A friend referred me to an on-island Occupational Therapist.

What is Occupational Therapy? Good question. Wiki comes in handy again, "use of productive or creative activity in the treatment or rehabilitation of physically, cognitively, or emotionally disabled people". That sounds about right but it just looks like they are having lots of fun to me.

Enter Bouncy lady or Laurie's playground into our lives. Shea really digs this. Laurie has a big platform swing with ropes to hang onto. She has big jumpoleen's full of therapy balls to jump in. She has big suspension climby slings with different tensions to scramble into. She has a hammock with a big cozy pillow in it. There are tubes to climb through and balls to throw. The place is an absolute wonderland in less than 400 sq. ft. Shea would live there if he could.

She also brings many years of experience working with folks of all ages with all sorts of issues. She seems to have a multi-discipline approach, is always bringing up her observations and suggestions and is really the sort of expert I truly value working with Shea.

We really thought he needed this sort of action and interaction during the winter months when outdoor play is limited. And, we were right. He really loves it. Lauri went away for the summer and we missed her greatly but we jumped right back on the bandwagon this fall. It has become a a key component of Shea's therapy.

Thank you Bouncy lady!