Monday, October 19, 2009

UCLA Study on women's friendships and stress!

This is so interesting! Hat tip to my gal pal, Judith, for bring this to my attention.


I knew that having a good girlfriend was therapy but come to find out its like drugs! Good drugs!


UCLA STUDY ON FRIENDSHIP AMONG WOMEN
By Gale Berkowitz

A landmark UCLA study suggests friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we really are. By the way, they may do even more.

Scientists now suspect that spending time with our friends can actually counteract the kind of stomach-quivering stress most of us experience on a daily basis. A landmark UCLA study suggests that women respond to stress with a cascade of brain chemicals that cause us to make and maintain friendships with other women. It's a stunning find that has turned five decades of stress research, most of it on men, upside down.

"Until this study was published, scientists generally believed that when people experience stress, they trigger a hormonal cascade that revs the body to either stand and fight or flee as fast as possible," explains Laura Cousino Klein, Ph.D., now an Assistant Professor of
Biobehavioral Health at Penn State University and one of the study's authors. "It's an ancient survival mechanism left over from the time we were chased across the planet by saber-toothed tigers.

Now the researchers suspect that women have a larger behavioral repertoire than just "fight or flight."

"In fact," says Dr. Klein, "it seems that when the hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress responses in a woman, it buffers the "fight or flight" response and encourages her to tend children and gather with other women instead. When she actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect.

This calming response does not occur in men", says Dr. Klein, "because testosterone, which men produce in high levels when they're under stress, seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen", she adds, "seems to enhance it."

The discovery that women respond to stress differently than men was made in a classic "aha!" moment shared by two women scientists who were talking one day in a lab at UCLA. "There was this joke that when the women who worked in the lab were stressed, they came in, cleaned the lab, had coffee, and bonded", says Dr. Klein." When the men were stressed, they holed up somewhere on their own.

I commented one day to fellow researcher Shelley Taylor that nearly 90% of the stress research is on males. I showed her the data from my lab, and the two of us knew instantly that we were onto something." The women cleared their schedules and started meeting with one scientist after another from various research specialties. Very quickly, Drs. Klein and Taylor discovered that by not including women in stress research, scientists had made a huge mistake: The fact that women respond to stress differently than men has significant
implications for our health.

It may take some time for new studies to reveal all the ways that oxytocin encourages us to care for children and hang out with other women, but the "tend and befriend" notion developed by Drs. Klein and Taylor may explain why women consistently outlive men.

Study after study has found that social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol. "There's no doubt," says Dr. Klein, "that friends are helping us live." In one study, for example, researchers found that people who had no friends increased their risk of death over a 6-month period. In another study, those who had the most friends over a 9-year period cut their risk of death by more than 60%.

Friends are also helping us live better. The famed Nurses' Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairments as they aged, and the more likely they were to be leading a joyful life. In fact, the results were so significant, the researchers concluded, that not having close friends or confidantes was as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight!

And that's not all! When the researchers looked at how well the women functioned after the death of their spouse, they found that even in the face of this biggest stressor of all, those women who had a close friend, confidante were more likely to survive the experience without any new physical impairments or permanent loss of vitality. Those without friends were not always so fortunate.

Yet if friends counter the stress that seems to swallow up so much of our life these days, if they keep us healthy and even add years to our life, why is it so hard to find time to be with them? That's a question that also troubles researcher Ruthellen Josselson, Ph.D., co-author of Best Friends: The Pleasures and Perils of Girls and Women's Friendships (Three Rivers Press, 1998). "Every time we get overly busy with work and family, the first thing we do is let go of friendships with other women," explains Dr. Josselson. "We push them right to the back burner. That's really a mistake because women are such a source of strength to each other. We nurture one another. And we need to have unpressured space in which we can do the special kind of talk that women do when they're with other women.

It's a very healing experience."

Taylor, S. E., Klein, L.C., Lewis, B. P., Gruenewald, T. L., Gurung, R. A. R., & Updegraff, J. A. Female Responses to Stress: Tend and Befriend, Not Fight or Flight

Let's call it a milk shake!

I followed through on my plan to talk nutritional supplements with my ND. I also needed her to look at the growing list of vaccinations Shea has missed. I haven't done any since his 3rd year check up. The school nurse "reminded" me and sent me a list. It was another good reason to go talk with her. We have planned a schedule to update them gradually.

So on to my Mr. picky eater!

Because Shea won't eat much fruit or veggies, she is concerned about B vitamins. She did say that him eating cheese was fine. And, she was literally thrilled that he was getting Hemp Milk every day.

She suggested smoothies. Well, as you may know, I am the smoothy queen and have tried. Oh believe me, I have tried but to no avail.

If it looks like fruit, he won't eat it. I know, very weird.

So a light bulb went off over my head while I was there.

"What if I call it a milkshake? And poor chocolate syrup all over it?"

"Sure. Whatever it takes!" She also said if I could get him to do some sort of berry that would be great. They are full of all sorts of Bioflavonoids.

So, I got some vanilla ice cream, some berries and made a milkshake to great success.

What did I put in it?

Shea's Magic Milkshake

1 cup Hemp or Rice Milk
1/3 cup plain yogurt
1 cup vanilla ice cream
1/2 banana
Handful of berries (strawberries, Raspberries or Blackberries)
1 drop Vit. D emulsion (2000 IU)
1 chewable B12 (crushed up)
1 tsp. liquid Zinc

Place in blender. Block the view of blender as berries, banana, yogurt and supplements are put in. Blend very, very well. Berries need to be completely pulverized or suspicion sets in.

Does he drink it all? No. But makes a good dent and then I pour the rest into those "make your own Popsicle" holders and they make surprisingly good fudge pops! Even Molly likes them.

He doesn't quite get why he is so lucky to be able to have milk shakes all the time now. As an after school snack is a good time for it.

Wish us luck!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

International Day For The Eradication Of Poverty on 17th October 2009

The swine has landed

Remember when Shea was really sick quite recently? You know, the pink eye that wouldn't go away and the fever thing that came on top of it?

Well, my doc told me yesterday it was the dreaded "Swine Flu". (insert really scary horror movie music right here)

She said it was making the rounds and that is why it took so long for him to mend.

Interesting. I hadn't planned on vaccinating him anyway and now I am glad. He has been hit by the swine and now has the antobodies and will be stronger the next time around.

I guess we all are a little stronger because we lived near him the whole time, sharing the house, couches, snuggies.

Interesting turn of events.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Excellent buddy

Shea had a play date on Saturday and obviously since I am bringing it up as news, it must be unusual. I guess it is.

Oh he hangs out with his sister and the neighbor girls but he is the littlest therefore he is a minority of one and not always treated as well as I would hope for him.

I have tried to do playdates but they really are tricky. I have to be honest. Seeing my kid next to a typically developing kid just hurts. Still does. Oh, we do plenty of it anyway but it hard for me to witness.

I have tried making connections with the other special kids in Shea's class with not much luck. Remember; the special kids are picked up and dropped off with door to door service by the fabulous special bus. We happen to live very close to the school so I do a lot of dropping off and picking up but not many special parents do.

I have written about this before. It is easy to just let them be. It is easy to not really be very plugged into the classroom happenings when you aren't there. Believe me, all the other typically developing parents are there. But special parents usually aren't.

So it has been slow going meeting other special parents who would like to connect. That is why I was so thrilled to run into one mom recently. Of course, I met her at Granny's and her eyes lit up when she realized I was another special mommy too.

So we planned a play date at my house last weekend and it was a great success. It made me realize that Shea really needs this and I need to provide it with more regularity.

He was so excited he could barely spit his words out but they got along pretty good. Shea was thrilled to show off his treasures but there was a little bit of scuffling over "stuff". Pretty mild really.

When his mom came to pick up, I am afraid I blabbed her ear off.

I guess we could all use a few more playdates with the right people.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Fabulous Autumn Beef Stew

This was stew was so good; the kids had thirds, Jake had two whopping bowls and it went so fast I couldn't even get a picture of it.

Fabulous Autumn Beef Stew

1 lb. or so of Beef cut into chunks
onion, diced
garlic, minced
1/2 cup (approx) red wine
4 potatoes cut into pieces
1 cup baby carrots
1 Sweet potato cut into pieces
1/2 bag frozen corn
1/2 bag frozen edamame beans
lg. container of Beef stock
more water if needed
1/8 Paprika
1/8 Nutmeg
salt & pepper

Saute onion & garlic until limp, toss in beef and brown. And red wine let simmer. Add both kinds of potato and beef stock bring to boil, add carrots, reduce heat.
Cook until potato falls apart and is soft. Add corn, edamame beans and water (if needed) simmer. Sprinkle paprika and nutmeg and any more salt & pepper needed.

Cool and serve. I served toasty bread points for dunking. Why are the called "toast points"? Because they are pointy!

Obama proclaimes he will end "don't ask, don't tell"

Now, that's some change we can believe in!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Lemonade Stand Blog Award

I got a pleasant surprise today and we could all use more of those, right?

A very nice lady with a pretty darn cool blog sent me an award! Yes, an AWARD! How fun is that?

She says I get to revel in the glory for a bit then pass it on to 10 blogs that I would like to nominate. Ten?! Ten blogs that I love and adore. Gladly.

I will revel then I will pass it on. As it should be. But first I just have a few words to say... ahem...

Tossing things out there into the blogosphere is fabulously fun. I didn't really know it would be when I first started. At the beginning it was painful. I would cry while I wrote; feeling exposed somehow as I hit the post button. This was writing therapeutically; a pressure release during those early "acceptance" days with Shea. I am thankful that I had it.

Those early days are dark for any parent, only connecting with other parents seemed to help. A lot. I love it that I can throw out my tales and find people who can relate. I love that it is so easy to say, "Hi there. We have a big thing in common." to someone across the country or across the world.

My blogging is way beyond just therapy now although still very helpful, it is the community that keeps me typing tidbits and treasure from my life.

Everyone has a story while friendships can happen anywhere and anytime. So with that thought I would like to introduce you to my nominees for the Lemonade Blog Award.

...drumroll...

Bluestem
I like that your posts are short and sweet but you always have something deeper to say; the quintessential "less is more". I wish I could hang out in your garden and we could do some "zen" weeding.

Fearless Folks...autism and beyond...
I can't make any nominations without including you. Somehow I feel like you are part of my family. I just love reading your frank, open, thoughtful and often hilarious perceptions on life. Your posts stick with me for days. I wish we could sit down and sip one of those fancy martinis you make.

Stopsignfarm
Because without my best buddy I would never have started to blog.

Gwendomama
Your honesty, poise, strength and fortitude while sharing the good, the bad and the ugly inspires and humbles me. I wish I could invite you for brunch and hug you and the kids very tight.

Tribal Hedgehogs
Because my incredibly beautiful, creative and funny daughter has made her own website and she could use a little pub.

Over the moon and back again
Because you were my first friend I made through my blog. It was so fun to actually talk on the phone in real time. I still love keeping track of what you are doing. I wish we could meet at the park so our boys could play.

Notes from the cookie jar
Because you were so friendly and supportive at the beginning. Your own story gave me so much hope in those dark early days. Plus your food porn shots make my tummy growl. Jeez, how do you do it? I wish we could meet over one or more of your cookies.

The Quirk Factor
Because you totally crack me up! Even in the face of the super scary, like loosing your house to fire, you kept it all together with grace. You are a force to be reckoned with. I wish I could take you shopping at my favorite thrift store, Granny's Attic.

Ends with 8741
Poet, philosopher, writer, parent. Where else would I get to hear about an Oprah sighting and get to see excellent rock sculptures all in the span of a week or so. You, my girl, are diverse and I love that about you. I wish you could show me the hot spots of Chicago.

Jon's mom
Because I liked how you were thinking big with Jon's Room. You inspired me to try and reach a broader audience. I wish we could meet for coffee and brainstorm.

And, that is my 10. So congratulations to us all.

Keep up the good work, each and every one of you.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Vitamin D! The newest most popular kid on the block.

Everywhere I turn, I hear the praises for Vitamin D being sung.

Even this guy!

Soren Khalsa, a refreshingly unusual looking Beverly Hills doctor writes extensively about how wonderful it is.

From the LA Times:
Soram Khalsa is on a mission to get Americans to up their levels of Vitamin D. Why? To protect them against a myriad of illnesses, including cancers, heart disease and diabetes. He even had a patient from his who's-who-studded medical practice in Beverly Hills hand deliver a copy of his book, The Vitamin D Revolution, to Michelle Obama. "In the front, I wrote, 'Vitamin D can help the country's health-care crisis. Please contact me if you are interested' and included my phone number. I haven't heard from her yet, but..."
He suggest taking it to boost the immune system during the flu season. He even ventures to say that it can "prevent" swine flu.

Vitamin D? Don't we get that from sunlight? I am so behind the times, glimpses of "sunlight in a jar" flit through my brain. Naa. Probably not.

But it was suggested for Shea. He seemed so weak and peaked after his last bout. I was nervous for him and asked at the Naturapath's office. She was singing the praises of Vitamin D too, "Boost that Vitamin D! Whenever I feel a little tickle in my throat or achy, I just power up on the D."

Ok. Now that is some advice I can follow but what about my picky, won't take vits, gotta hide everything or he will turn up his nose and refuse it boy.

Solution:

Bio-D-Mulsion Forte
'. One drop is 2,000 IU. At it has really made a big difference right away.

His color is better and he seems stronger. I hide it in his morning hot chocolate.

Now if I could just find a mult- that I could hide so well.

What other immune-system strengthening measures are you taking this year? For yourself? For your kids?

Friday, October 2, 2009

Don't go changin'...to try and please me...

I wish I didn't care

I wish I didn't care
By Nancy Greggs:

I wish I didn’t care that some children sleep
Hungry and cold, too weary to weep
Too hopeless to know that others could share – but won’t
I wish I didn’t care

I wish I didn’t know that some people die
Alone and friendless, without knowing why
Wanting to question why no one is there – but don’t
I wish I didn’t care

I wish I didn’t see what’s there on the news
Meant not to enlighten, but just to amuse
Designed to remind me what I could do – but can’t
I wish I didn’t care

I wish I didn’t know in my heart
That I am meant to do my part
To speak, to write, to sing, to plan
To do whatever it is I can
To give, to teach, to help – assist
Those who fight, speak out – resist
I wish I didn’t know I could
Change the world – if only I would
I’d be free, and unaware
If I could just not care

This is my burden, this is my task
To have to wonder, deign to ask
Why some have what is deemed their lot
Why some are valued, and others not

I wish I didn’t care about it all
Who lives, who dies, who heeds the call
Who listens, who hastens, who risks the fall
Of the concept, the dream
That we can be all that we seem
And never falter on our way to where we’re going, if only we go there together

I wish I didn’t care that my brothers are mine
That my sisters are sisters, subdued but sublime
That they are in my keeping, as I am in theirs
I wish I didn’t care.

But I do. And so do all of you.

It’s not about who they are; it’s about who you are.

Just care. A little goes a long way.

So try it.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

What are the teachers doing wrong?

Republican Health Care plan: Don't get sick but if you do...die quickly.



Just for the record; I think Alan Grayson rocks! And, sent him an e-mail to tell him so. Wish all our Dems had the balls and the backbone to call it so plain.

Back to school...again!

Poor Shea. He was out of school for a week plus.

Conjunctivitis then a whirlwind virus breezed through and laid him low. Pink eye doesn't usually last that long ( I learned) but I guess the virus made it last longer or that his immune system was so compromised he could not recover as quickly.

But today! Today Shea went back to school and that kid was pretty delighted to be back. He got hugs from his excellent "pretty in pink" pal, the fabulous Sophia. "You're back!" she hollered.

The teacher said half her class was absent yesterday as we weren't the only one who was sick. I guess I didn't realize.

Is this common for kindergarten? duh? I guess so but is this a particularly bad year? I just don't remember this when Molly was there.

It really got me thinking about Shea and his diet. I am a big proponent of "live" food. You know, fruit, veggies, yogurt. Many of you may know how militant I am about my kefir every AM.

Shea doesn't need any of those things.

Oh, I try! But, the reluctance is strong and swift.

As I was talking with our Naturapathic Doctor on a daily basis for a week plus during the illness that wouldn't go away, I expressed my concern about this.

We talked about putting together a strategy to try and slip in some probiotics into his diet somehow.

I feel like I need to build his immune system as we head into this ball buster of a flu season we are all hearing about.

Ok. Un-official Coaxing poll:

Who out there is going to get a flu shot? The normal one and/or the swine flu one? Your kids? Yourself? Please share.

Parenting Special Needs magazine

Becoming a parent changes everything. When a child comes along priorities and day to day habits change. If that child has special needs it can quite literally transform your life, plans and livelihoods.

Chantai Snellgrove, founder and editorial director of Parenting Special Needs magazine, is a good example. She has a successful career in graphic design, marketing, advertising and publishing but when she realized her daughter had special needs she saw a need for a one-stop resource for information, strategies and personal stories for building community among parents of kids with special needs.

From that idea her free on-line magazine was born! Only offered on-line due to publishing costs and wider availability, Parenting Special Needs is a very professional, colorful and beautifully designed bi-monthly. Obviously, much thought and focus was put into making the magazine attractive and appealing.

Snellgrove sees the mission as quite simple,
Our mission is to provide parents of special needs children, of all ages and stages of life, both information and inspiration. Through Parenting Special Needs, we've created a world that provides practical tips, shares life’s lessons, tackles the challenges and celebrates the joys, of one of life's greatest gifts.
In an interview in her hometown paper, TCPalm, Snellgrove explains,
"Our hope is that by raising awareness and bringing some of these things to the forefront. We also educate and raise tolerance and acceptability for anybody with different abilities."
As a parent of a special needs daughter, she understands the feelings of isolation many parents have. Therefore with her magazine she wants to inform and raise awareness not only for parents but also family, friends and teachers on how to positively deal with the struggles of having a special needs child.
"My goal originally was to help the parents," she said. "In helping the parents, I think you also have to educate other people. There's a lot of information out there, but if you don't ask the right questions, you don't get the answers," she said. "A lot of parents were out there floundering."
A unique element of the magazine is how they actively recruit parents to share their stories with written submissions as well as their very popular “Proud Moments” section. Anyone can submit a moment of achievement and pride related to a child with special needs. These touching portraits of real life are little diamonds. Anyone who reads them would find commonalities and inspiration for their own journey.

Be sure to check out Parenting Special Needs magazine. It’s free!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Actor with Down's Syndrome wins prestigious award at San Sebastián film festival

Pablos Pineda has won the Silver Shell prize at the recent San Sebastian film festival. He is the first actor with Down ’s Syndrome to win this significant award.

The film, Yo, Tambien, (Me too) shows how an isolated woman finds comfort and shelter with a young man who has Down ’s Syndrome. The film was directed by Alvaro Pastor and Antonio Haharro.

The San Sebastian Film Festival is the oldest and most prestigious in the Spanish speaking World with a strong focus on European and U.S. movies.

Pineda, who is 35, also happens to be the first person with Down’s Syndrome to receive an university degree and plans to pursue his interest in teaching rather than continue on with acting in the future.

In Variety, Jonathan Holland reviews of the film:

Pineda does good work in a first acting role that seems to have been modeled on aspects of his own experiences. He delivers a finely judged, no-nonsense performance, and his self-deprecating humor prevents us from feeling mere sympathy for him.

Though in later scenes, Daniel's awkwardness in pursuing Laura can be tough to watch, there's real chemistry between the two, for which the alert Duenas is also largely responsible. Details of Laura's own family problems, which dubiously attempt to establish her as an outsider like Daniel, seem drawn from a gritty-domestic-drama template and can hardly compete with the main story.

Scenes shot at a DS dance class develop a powerful secondary against-the-odds romantic storyline between a DS couple (Daniel Parejo and Lourdes Naharro) -- that threatens to take over the film. The storyline also includes the pic's strongest scene: seemingly improvised, beautifully authentic and quietly celebratory.



Saturday, September 26, 2009

A Ukraine history lesson

Just had to share this with all of you.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Dancing through that social scene

Today is the first school dance for a certain brand new middle school-er in my family.

Titled "The Welcome back to school" dance, it is directly after school and won't just have dancing.

Carnival games, prizes and, of course, plenty of sugar laden treats will keep kids busy whether they dance or not.

One of the neighbor girls said, "Everyone is asking someone to go to the dance!"

Really? Actually not everyone because she and my new middle school-er did not. But apparently some people did.

The results? Lots of declines but thank you very much. Ah...just like life.

The preferred mode is to meet up with a few friends and brave the social scene together without the added stress of an arranged "date" at 11 or 12.

Holy crap!

Jake said this morning, "This sure does seem like a lot of pressure to put on the kids." Thank you very much. I agree. But at least there are other things to do other than dance.

I remember my 6th grades dances. Light was dim, the girls clustered giggling in their "party clothes", boys visibly uncomfortably, lurking on the extreme other side of the room. Any dancing? No, not much.

Dances really didn't get rockin' until high school or at least 8th grade.

Molly told me at 6:00 PM last night that she volunteered to bring treats to the dance. Yow! Too late to make anything so I called the local bakery to save our bacon.

So, they are selling treats too? Ah ha! I get it. This is just another fund raising opportunity for the school. I get it now.

Let's hope they have fun and not take all this too seriously.

For some, it is a lot of pressure. Wish we didn't have to start them on it so young.

Alas.

UPDATE:

Well, dances are different these days. There was plenty of dancing, not much standing around uncomfortably. The 8th graders planned, organized, decorated and picked the music for the dance. They get to decide what to do with the money raised.

I think most of the 6th graders were a little shocked at how sexually charged the older kid's dancing was. I figured there would be some bumping and grinding. Well, there was LOTS of bumping and grinding from the 8th graders.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Protect Insurance Company PSA

Pink eye

Yuk!

How have I been a mother for 11 years and have not yet dealt with this?

Poor Shea. Conjunctivitis or Pink eye. Gross and very contagious.

He got sent home from school by the nurse yesterday so I took him directly to the Boo-boo house (our doctor has her office in an old house) and this is his name for her office.

Sure enough. It is what it is.

So she proscribed this ointment. Ointment? To be put directly on his eyeball. Sure. Easily talked about not easily done.

Who in there right mind is going to keep their eye open as a big old finger is poking at it. I mean its reflex, right?

And, the eye looks worse today so I called to twit with the nurse.

She suggests to pull down the lower lid and don't even use your finger but sploodge the goo directly onto his lower lid.

Ah ha! Somehow that sound easier.

Wish us luck!
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