Don't compare. That should be a hard and fast rule. You would think I would know that by now.
When I was in high school, I had a poster of Albert Einstein on my wall with this quote, "Do not compare yourself with others, for you will always find someone better and worse than yourself." Or something close to that.
At the time, it made a big impact on me and helped me through some tough years. I never forgot it.
But, then the kids came along and it is really hard not to compare to other kids their age. With Shea, that was really painful so, understandably I stopped comparing typically developing kids.
But when I read a really good blog post about another kid with Apraxia the other day, I slipped right into comparing my speech delay kid with hers.
I know, I should know better by now.
One side of me celebrated with the mother for the great strides that her son was making. He was only 3 and he was doing great; sentences, content, vocabulary. No doubt Speech Therapy 3 days a week was key. But, how could they afford that?
See? Don't compare. It will always make you either feel like shit or smug. And, neither is a very good way to feel.
So, I guess, honestly, it made me feel like a loser and afraid for Shea all over again. That I am not advocating hard enough. That I am not doing everything that I can possibly do. That I should be somehow making the state pay for more than they already are. It makes me feel like I am lazy and don't sit down and focus on drills and modeling as much as I should.
That I just treat him like a "normal" kid too much. Is that possible? Is that terrible? Sometimes I don't even know anymore.