Well, I did something really, really stupid last night. I rented a movie that Molly should not have seen. It was a PG-13 and I did not do the due diligence to make certain it was appropriate for a 10 year old. It wasn't. Not at all.
It was a great movie in a lot of ways but there were several scenes in it that I wish I could just erase from her consciousness.
The movie? The kite runner. Exquisitely done, very disturbing story...with a sexual assault on a child as a main story point. I sent her out of the room during the Taliban "punishing" the adulterous couple in the soccer stadium.
Boy, did I screw up and I am not sure if I will ever really be able to forgive myself.
After the movie was over, she kept saying, "That movie was too adult for me." I agreed and apologized profusely.
I tried to frame it better or make a teaching moment out of it or pull my ass out of the fire; "Honey, there are ugly, evil things in this world and you should not trust everyone. There are people who hurt others and have been hurt out there and it colors their decisions, choices and lives. No one has the right to steal a persons dignity. No one. It is evil. But, it is my and daddy's job to protect you and make sure that nothing like that will ever happen to you. It was a story and a not very happy one. I am sorry that you saw that."
I slept horrible and am writhing with quilt. I feel like a terrible mother and that I have crushed my daughter's innocence.
This morning she said, "You know, it really was a good movie but there were some things that were too adult. But, you really can learn from them." And, then she bubbled off talking about the kite flying scenes. I guess that is as about as good of a reaction that I could hope for. She is resilient, she will be fine but I still feel like shit.
I promised her that I would never get a movie again that I hadn't done the research on. And, she said she is more interested in romance and comedy. Ok. With those two directives, I think, I hope we can move on.