I feel it coming...

Like a big dark cloud. Like a herd of stampeding Wildebeasts. Like a chilly fog that has wrapped itself around everything this week despite the beautiful spring like weather.

Depression? Angst? Annoyance? Mid-life crisis?

No, IEP meeting barreling down on us at the end of the week.

I feel it coming, everyone is going to sit there and nod and look at us with compassion and then explain why Shea can't be in the multi-age class for 1st grade. Even though his specialists think it would be the right spot for him. Even though we have 3 years experience with multi-age and feel it would be the right spot for him. And, even though when pressed some of his IEP team think it might be the right place for him.

The reason?

Because it is just so darn popular and everyone wants multi-age. For those of you who may be confused, the mulit-age program here is 3 classes of 1st, 2nd, 3rd graders with one teacher each. The student stays with the same teacher for the 3 years and moves through different levels of being helped and then helping. I saw it in action. The mentoring that happens is quite wonderful and happens organically. The kids just find it natural to protect and help the younger kids and, of course, the younger kids don't need to be told to emulate the older kids.

The format is more fluid, less "sit at your desk and shut up", more more variety.

The IEP team is going to point out Shea's distract-ability and how he needs extra help with direction taking. I am going to point out that he is an enthusiastic learning when motivated. They are going to point out how multi-age kids need to be self-motivated and self directed and that Shea needs more structure. And, I am going to want him in that program anyway.

Yes, I am biased. Jake says he just wants Shea to be comfortable where ever he ends up.

In all honesty, when they say he needs structure, I am afraid they are going to try and shove him with this one teacher who is so structures and cold that I think it will backfire. She makes the kids sit the entire AM doing workbooks at their desks by themselves and punishes them if they do not finish by not letting them go outside for recess.

Some say she is old school. Some call it structure but my sensibilities are horrified. So horrified that I am going to break the cardinal rule of parents when talking to the school.

Insist that my kid does not get this one teacher.

This oppositional behavior from Shea is coming out more and more. If you want him to do something, heaven help you if you just ask him to do it, he won't. One must be creative and motivate him in others ways. Just laying down the law does not work. Is that what they are calling structured teaching?

Our wonderful IEP case manager is pulling together a list of characteristics for kids in multi-age. And, pulling together a list of what all the Kindergarten teachers see as beneficial traits for multi-age.

See? Do you feel it coming too?

I guess a parent has to pick their battles with the school too. I guess the question is: how much of a full on onslaught do we want to provoke? How much of a pain in the ass do we want to be?

If multi-age is so darn popular, maybe they should expand the program!

Assessments, feedback and placement: oh my!

We had the big "Feedback" meeting yesterday. Because Shea is turning 6, the school puts him through all the assessments again to determine what services he will qualify for. The feedback meeting it to share the good, bad and the ugly with the parents and the team.

Jake and I went and Molly babysat Shea and his little buddy Honon during the meeting.

Shea will qualify for speech but does not qualify for adaptive/cognitive anymore. His description is changed from DD Developmental Delay to CD Communication Disorder.

Apparently, he falls within age appropriate range for all adaptive and cognitive testing and I am taking that as very good news indeed.

He will get extra accommodation for following directions but basically the consensus was that he is academically ready for 1st grade.

Social will still be a piece for him but that is coming along.

Basically, the meeting was night and day from the 3 year old meeting which I sobbed through. We have sincerely come along way.

It was encouraging to hear his teachers talk about and show us the progression on his work. He came into Kindergarten barely able to spell his own name and now is banging out legible sentences. Marveling the teacher with his reading and sounding out unfamiliar words phonetically.

Now, we just have to do battle on placement.

The formal IEP meeting will be in 2 weeks and I need to do some homework on what teacher or classroom I feel would be best. My inclination is to go for the multi-age program because that is what I am familiar with and Molly had such a wonderful 1st/2nd/3rd grade experience. But, Shea is not Molly and it may not be the right fit.

Some serious thinking to do now but basically our boy is coming along.

I would say he is the successful product of early intervention. For those of you who may not remember, Shea didn't even say his first word until well past 3 years old.

We have really come a long way! But we are not done. He will still need much more speech to work on articulation and he may need tutoring in school as he gets older but the worry that he can't mainstream is pretty much dead.

Sincere thanks to all his teachers and therapists who have made these last 3 years so productive for him. I will never, ever forget any of you.

Bubble goes to kindergarten

Our beloved SLP (Speech Language Pathologist) has been threatening to make a school visit for some time.

Logistics made it difficult until lately because Bubble now lives on Vashon! She spends long weekends out here and sees Shea every Saturday or Sunday depending on what is going on.

I blubber my thanks and more thanks every once in a while because I don't have to drive Shea to the big city every week anymore and we still get to see our beloved, Bubble. I feel so dang lucky!

With all the shake up with placement for next year, she offered to go in an see how he was doing and give me her opinion of whether moving onto 1st grade would be a good idea.

She visited yesterday and then called immediately and gave me a long, detailed report.

Shea listens in class! He pays attention! He converses with his classmates! And, he raises his hand to answer questions!

Bubble says he gets along well with his typically developing classmates and they seem to like him. I mean, who wouldn't, right? But she says he smiles all the times and greets other enthusiastically, is in good humor and he draws others to him.

To say that I literally gasped with relief and joy is an understatement. For a long time I have wanted to be a fly on the wall, to see him objectively, but my presence is just too big and encumbering when I am there. Shea is way too aware of me and my being there effects how he acts.

Bubble is leaning more and more toward 1st grade for our sweet boy. And, unless some of the standardized assessments paint a wildly different picture, I think we will go for it.

Part of it is: raising the bar high. Last year, when I was sure Shea wasn't ready for Kindergarten but the school thought he should give it a try, I was joyously amazed at his progress and how far he has come. I am thinking that the tendency to coddle and protect, although understandable, might hold him back.

If his very familiar specialists feel he is ready to blaze a new trail, who am I to contradict? I am the worry wart. I am the frettful mommy always with the "What if?" rolling around in my head.

Maybe that is what happens, after a while you learn to listen. Is that age? Is that wisdom? Is that fatigue and relief that someone else is making decisions?

I have decided it doesn't matter.

A dear friend had a little dinner party the other night at her place on the beach with all my favorite people. There were tons of kids and Shea was down there doing all that they were doing; canoeing, throwing rocks in the water, helping to build a beach fire.

I was watching from the deck and thought, "Shea is 6 and Molly is almost 12." In 6 more years she will be 18." There is something about these numbers. I know I will never stop being a mother but I feel like 2/3 of my heavy lifting is done with Molly and 1/3 with Shea.

And, then that soft, sticky, cloud of doubt descends again. I know that Molly will be well prepared for life at 18. Oh, don't worry, I will still be checking in on her no matter what. But Shea? What will he be like at 18?

If this, raising the bar high strategy is any indicator, he will be just fine. Maybe not quite as independent as his sister but who knows.

There is a secure and happy place in this world for Shea. A place for us all.

School: when it isn't going well, part 1

Even in the best school district or the school in the world sometimes it just doesn't go very well for your kid.

I remember learning about an idea called "disequilibrium" in relation to child development. The theory being that approximately ever 6 month the kid just naturally goes "bonkers"; acts out, fights back, regresses, pushes buttons, or basically causes the parents untold amounts of worry and stress. Somehow they sort of grow out of it or as they say work through "a phase" and then for 6 months all is dandy. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

I think disequilibrium may have something to do with school not working very well. But, there are also a heck of a lot of factors.

Special Education is probably even more susceptible to the up and downs, highs and lows. It could be as simple as disequilibrium or the teacher and the kid don't click. Or the teacher and parent not clicking. It could be unrealistic expectations for student, teacher or parent. Usually no one is really at fault but it may not be going well, none the less. So, what do you do?

First, I think it is really important to state for the record, YOU are the expert on your child. The teacher may be an expert in Early Childhood Development or whatever but you are the expert on your own child. That is valid. Now that doesn't mean you can run ruffshod all over the teachers and staff and make their lives miserable. A parent does need to have realistic expectations for what their public school can do for their child. Notice I say "public school"? Private school is a whole different kettle of fish.

We had a tough year last year and it all finally boiled down to the wrong placement for Shea. He was given a teacher that was much too structured for him, not very maternal and pretty hands off when actually connecting with her class.

It all started badly when I noticed Shea's class was starting before the "special bus" had even arrived. Our developmental preschool is blended with special and typically developing peers mixed together. So, when the special kids arrived they had no time to transition into the classroom setting yet the teacher insisted on starting at exactly 9:05. Yes, there were melt downs a plenty. Not to mention the fact that the typical kids are sitting there like "good little children" while the "special" kids were not so much.

Now, I only knew this because I rode the special bus with Shea for a while because he was nervous and not ready to go on the bus by himself. No transition time for a 3 year old was a big problem for us. I talked with the teacher, didn't get very far but I got around this problem by skipping the "special bus" and dropping Shea off myself a little early with the typical kids so he could have time to transition.

I consider this particular situation a victory because I was able to go around the problem and make sure my kid got what he needed. Sometimes it's just not so simple.

I guess when it comes to public school it means picking your battles. If you are going to go to the mat on an issue it better be important because you aren't going to have the emotional or physical energy to fight each one. Weigh it in your mind, think on it, don't do anything rash. Can you get around the problem? Can you solve it by yourself? Can you shed some light from the outside? Is there someone you can ask for help on the inside?

Many families do decide to pull their specials kids from public school. I think it's a shame. But, you make the decision kid by kid and decide what is going to be the best for them. Often these are gut wrenching choices.

As our bad school year went on, I couldn't help but chat amongst friends and acquaintances. I found out pretty darn quick that my concerns with the teacher were not isolated or even unique. In fact, I started to run into families who specifically pulled their kids from the public school system because of this teach. Sigh.... That isn't good news to hear anywhere. In a small town it is even worse.

So, what do you do? I did a lot of fretting, spinning my wheels, yabbering at my GGF. (Good Girl Friends) Frankly, I didn't know what to do. I kept close watch on my non-verbal 3 year old kid wishing he could tell me how he liked school or not. But, he couldn't and didn't. I found out that he was having problems in class not from the teacher but from a questionnaire.