A child's last wish

I just received this e-mail from cousin in Minnesota.

Diana Harrison Biorkman (friend of a friend) has a 5yr. old son who is in the last stages of a 2 1/2 yr. battle with Neuroblastoma Cancer. The family is celebrating Christmas next week and Noah's request is to get lots of Christmas cards. If you have a moment could you send an extra Christmas card to:

Noah Biorkman
1141 Fountian View Circle
South Lyon, MI 48178

Such a small and simple request that we can do for someone. If you know anyone else who might be willing to send Noah a card, please share his address. Wouldn't it be neat to receive so many well-wishes and Christmas greetings from around the US?

Tomorrow is a holiday but I am going to get one put together to mail on Thursday.

What do you say folk?

Can we surprise a brave little kid and give him his wish?

Good bye notes

How would you say goodbye to your family? Its hard to even think about. What if you were 6 years old and had brain cancer?

Elena Desserich wasn't really supposed to know she was dying, her parents didn't want her to dwell on it the last days of her life. Her parents always told her the treatments were making her better. They always remained hopeful so Elena could live around optimism.

But the brave, beautiful, sweet, charming, artistic Elena did loose her fight with brain cancer. She did end up having to leave her family and left a hole a mile wide.

Her family started finding the notes right away; tucked into drawers, in a briefcase, with the Christmas ornaments, under things. Little notes from a little girl, mostly about how she loved her family and sister. Colorful drawings with hearts, she left hundreds all over the house and the family is still finding them.

According to an interview with the Today Show, her parents explained, “It wasn’t just a random collection of notes. She was actually hiding these notes for us,” her father said. “It was her way of letting us know that everything would be OK,” added Brooke. “You hope that it never ends.”

They found so many note, they wondered what to do with them. Such a pure, honest display of love and bravery, they felt they should share them. Maybe they would bring hope and solace to others who had to say goodbye to their families or had lost a child of their own.

The parents compiled them and posted them to an on-line journal, then self-published excerpts in a book that included reproductions of many of Elena’s notes. After selling several thousand books in just a few weeks, HarperCollins bought the book and published it, with proceeds going to the charity founded in memory of their daughter, The Cure Starts Now.

Life offers so many lessons and sometimes the most profound teachers are children.

Grief and coping: learning to say good bye to the child you did not have

Whether hoped and prayed for or a big old surprise, each child is a miraculous gift. Each one deserves to be wanted and loved, needs stability, kindness and understanding.

Never are we more human or dare I say mammal as when we give birth. Strong instincts takes over as we perhaps blindly rush into the life long adventure of parenting. This is not only true for birth parents; adoptive parents go through all this too and should not be excluded.

We all know how this story is supposed to go. Your darling baby boy or girl, in every way perfect, growing up, changing, developing, eventually not needing you so much, becoming strong, independent, happy people.

When we first realize that our darling bundle is different and has special needs, we are understandably terrified. Mourning that child you did not have is a necessary part of acceptance. Is it the most gut wrenching situation for a parent? Perhaps. It certainly is right up there.

The first realization is the worst and questions abound. “Will he ever be “normal”? Will we be able to mainstream him in school? Will he be teased? Will he have friendsl? Will he ever go to college, get married, have kids?” These thoughts and so many more rocket through your noggin at a dizzying pace.

Despair can set in; suddenly the sky isn’t so blue and the trees are just not as green. There is a pall over your world and family and honestly there is not much to be done. It is hard on marriages and siblings. There is a lot of self blame and guilt. Finances, patience and emotions are stretched. Depression is common.

Grieving for this child you did not have is understandable and probably just needs to happen to run its course. Although, it can last a long time. Each time you see your child next to a typically developing peer, the reality bites you hard. Another wave of grief fogs your stockpiled hope and gathered optimism. Bouncing back from that is a learned thing, only getting easier with time.

I wish I knew how to make it easier. Unfortunately, its just plain old not easy. But, we can try to be pragmatic if not completely optimistic. We can learn to be dedicated despite our fear. We can teach acceptance and tolerance to our families and our communities. We can do what ever we need to do to make our special child’s future as bright as possible and be thankful for what we have.

We can also forgive ourselves and our fate. We can learn from the challenges and revel in these uniquely beautiful children. We can learn to accept them for who they are.

There is a place in the world for each one of us, no matter what.