Vanity rules or confessions of a big fat loser

Middle age; perhaps the bane of our extended life span or maybe I should say the expanding waist band.

We all know it sneaks up on us. A pound here and a pound there. Slower metabolism is the culprit. The habit of finishing your kid's food because you don't want to waste it! Treating ourselves because, dammit, we deserve it. You know, just getting soft.

Goodies, lunches out, several delicious fortified beverages on occasion because well...we do indeed deserve it. It is pretty easy to just wear comfy-er pants, maybe just bump it up to achieve a roomy-er fit. Over the years though, it sure does catch up and you find you are going slower and slower because of it.

Did I deserve the extra 20 that was sitting uncomfortably around my middle? Well, I myself put it there over time so, yes, I did. But in all honesty it was taking a serious toll. Vanity? You Betcha! Health? Yikes! Sluggishness compounded by lack of tone compounded by, "OMG! I am 45! If I don't do something now, I may never be able to pull it together!"

Everywhere you turn there is inspiration AKA exasperation.

Take a look at Michelle Obama. No waif of a woman but healthy, strong and firm. I would pay big bucks to have toned arms like her. As she talks about childhood obesity and bringing important focus to this grave epidemic, us adults just get fat and fatter. Why would our kids stay fit and watch their weight when as they see their parents chomp on chips and buttered popcorn in front of the TV every night?

Well, all this guilt and the sharp unforgiving corners of brutal reality started me thinking. I guess just taking walks with my beloved GGFs was not enough. Obviously. So when a pal started hitting the gym in the morning instead of walking, I was intrigued.

Ok, honestly, I was annoyed. But she begged me to join her just to try it out. Nothing stressful. Layered in forgivingly stretchy and hiding clothes, I tentatively dipped my toe into a work out routine, 3 days a week.

My friend encouraged me to start out slow. Maybe warm up with a little treadmill, perhaps jump on the Elliptical machine to burn some fat, she enthused. There is a full weight room downstairs, might as well work my arms and do some crunches. If there is time, maybe take a dip in the pool, hot tub, sauna! Shower up and off to the normal gyrations of the day.

Wow. Hey! It wasn't so bad. In fact, it felt sort of wonderful to feel that trickle of sweat run down my back. Delicious, in fact. Even better than that bag of chips!

It didn't take long to feel completely different. Notice I say, "Feel" vs. "Look". I immediately felt kind of empty and purged and deliciously tired...in a good way.

I learned to stoke up my i-pod with pop tunes that my tween help me pick out. And, when I crank up the Lady Gaga tunes, close my eyes and sweat, I am the happiest camper on the block. This is my mommy time and I defend and protect it aggressively!

So, the lbs. were trickling away but DAMMIT! I started wanting some big impact. I started to want to feel transformed. So, I started taking a good hard look at my intake. Portion control and those -o-so-delicious-fortified beverages that I love so much.

Would I be willing to forgo micro brews for less flab? Well, yes. So I cut back then I just plain old quit. Cold turkey.

I can hear the collective sharp intake of breath from all those who know me and, perhaps, from those who don't. Quitting drinking was the big one for me. I began by not drinking on weeknights and for the first couple of weeks it was hard. 5:00 hit and my hand just felt empty without a brewski. So, I said to myself, "Only weekends." And, then, later, only if I wanted to.

I know, I know, hard to believe because I love to drink. I like the taste and the kooky buzz but let's admit it folks, a lot of time drinking can be self medication. And, I just decided that the medicine wasn't worth my spare tire.

So, I toss off one habit and took up another. A healthier habit. One that is literally putting years on my life. The amazing thing about habits is that it gets easier, you slip into auto pilot mode and you miss it if you stop.

To make a short story longer; I have lost 20 lbs. I went from a roomy size 14 to a satisfyingly snug size 8. I sleep like a brick. I don't feel like a lumbering lummux anymore. I am a good role model for my family who is coming along in my footsteps.

Do I work out everyday? Pretty much. On weekends? Uh...yes. I am sort of embarrassed to say it but "Hell yes, it is really mellow at the gym on weekends!" I guess I am obsessed.

So all in all, I feel like a new person, transformed, energized like I have my mo-jo back. How long did it take. Honestly, only about 3 months which doesn't seem like a very long time to transform your life.

Will I get bored and go back to my slovenly way? I am not sure. I hope not. The habit is ingrained now and I have successfully incorporated it into my schedule. I miss it if I skip a day. And, would certainly miss my new self.

Sanity = good girl friends

I have found over the years that my mental health is directly proportionate to my good girl friend quotient or GGF. I love my husband and I literally tell him everything but this can not replace the GGF. I am not talking about a quantity thing; this is not about "lots of friends". This is a quality thing. In fact, if a woman has one real GGF in her life than I consider them a lucky person.

How does it happen? Organically. So many adult relationships seem to be comprised of adjacency; kids around the same age, living nearby, commute or working together, hobbies and interests in common. Our lives are busy; it all has to make sense. GGFs are no different.

I remember I was freshly pregnant with Shea, just a couple of months, barely showing but feeling sick and excited. I decided I had to start walking and getting some exercise. One of the downsides of my beautiful little island that I am lucky enough to live on is I do a lot of driving. Long gone are those days of walking to the grocery store and to do neighborhood errands. That went away when we left the big city and came to our little rural oasis.

The long and the short; I was really getting out of shape. And, now I was pregnant at 39 to top it all off. That frightening reality got me out the door and I started walking in the morning after I dropped my daughter off at Kindergarten. I walked alone for a month or two; spontaneously ran into another mom here and there but didn't really have a walking buddy.

I remember I was hanging out waiting to pick up Molly and a woman said to me, "I see you out there walking. Good for you." I sincerely asked her if she would like to join me. As luck would have it, she was quitting her job to be around more for her Kindergartner who happened to be in Molly's class. We commented on the obvious adorableness on each others children and she took me up on that walk.

We walked every morning all through my pregnancy. And, you know, that exercise did help to get the old body back even after a C-section.

5 years later, we still walk almost everyday. But let me be clear; this is not just exercise. This is therapy. This is a bull session, coffee clatch, stitch and bitch all rolled into one. This is about girl time to kvetch, whine, ask advise, get pats on the back. This is sanity, pure and simple. I miss it physically and mentally when we don't walk. And, as our endurance has increased, we puff and moan less as we climb hills; an honest to goodness friendship has grown.

We were lucky, our politics and and interests coincided nicely. Of similar age, going though many of the same things; we filled the walks with stories and comparisons, sagas and tributes. I respected her mind, accomplishments and perspective. Let's just state it simply; it was a good fit and now I can't imagine her not part of my life.

Time goes on; even more quickly now. Our kindergartners are in 5th grade now, getting ready for middle-school (gulp). Yet we have no problem filling our walk time with plenty of new comment and conjecture. And, yes; we ask others to join us. We try to share this little piece of magic we have developed together.

So, hats of to the GGF! What would we do without them? If you are lacking, then cast about, she is out there; waiting for you to extend a hand. You never know who will become indispensable in your life.