Denial

How long can you comfortably live in a state of denial? Oh, trust me, you can live there for a good amount of time, but comfortably?

I remember when Shea was a baby, I had him in my arms as we walked through our back yard. We went over to the chicken yard and I said something like, "Look at the chickens, Shea. Aren't they funny? Look at our funny chickens!" He said, "CH" but then he never, ever said it again. Oh, yes, I thought it a little odd but I waved it off. Denial? You think?

When our doctor flagged Shea's lack of verbalizing at his 18 month check up, I thought, "What's the big deal. He'll talk when he is ready." I displayed a healthy amount of disdain and skepticism about all the "big fuss". I remember floating luxuriously on a river of excuses and anecdotes about other late talkers. And this went on for years. Was that denial? Probably.

Don't get me wrong, denial is understandable and healthy to a certain extent. In this sense, I consider it a defense mechanism that kicks in to protect your heart and mind of the bad news you think may be coming.

Although, even though I was in denial, we still enrolled Shea in the Developmental Preschool despite thinking that he didn't really need it. I was sure in my mother's heart that he was "going to be fine". I remember thinking, "It couldn't hurt."

There is a large and growing body of evidence about the positive benefits of early intervention. But, some parents may avoid it due to their own denial. I know a family whose child was a late talker. They never did identify her or do any treatment or therapy and, sure enough, the child can talk now. But, the child is having problems with school and some learning issues. There is no way of knowing if anything would be any different if early intervention had been pursued. And, I am not preaching that it would. But, it is a lot harder to get a child identified later on in the public school process. Oh, sure you can do it but if they are identified at a younger age, they do benefit for longer.

I would just encourage parents to keep the avenues of help open; and the earlier the better. You can still pursue them even if you are in denial but reaching out and getting more eyes on your child can open up paths that are hard to even imagine at first.

Early Intervention is not time wasted. Even if your child "doesn't really need it", there is no harm done. No child suffers from just a little more quality attention and in some cases it may be the exact kind of attention they need. And, there is no denying that.

Child Find and Early Intervention

I really can’t say enough about how wonderful the Child Find Program was for Shea and our family. If there is any advice that I can share at the top it would be; if you have any concerns about your child’s development, search out the Child Find Program in your area.

What is Child Find?

“Child Find is a component of Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) that requires states to identify, locate, and evaluate all children with disabilities, aged birth to 21, who are in need of early intervention or special education services.”

There is a lot of good information at:

http://www.childfindidea.org/

Under the umbrella of Child Find, Shea was welcomed into the Developmental Preschool program housed at our local elementary school. In the beginning, we were included in some play groups with other kids that had delays. I found networking with the teachers, specialists and other parents very helpful.

I remember this being a very sad time. I know, parents are not supposed to compare our kids to others but, honestly, it is very hard not to. I guess I was just beginning to realize that Shea was “different” and I yearned to understand what it all meant….NOW! I wanted someone to tell me what did this mean for my kid. Would he grow out of it? Would he just “get it” one day? What did I need to do as a parent to help?

More questions than answers surround times like these. And, even though the teachers and specialists were very supportive and kind, they would not even hazard a guess about prognosis. At the time, I found it very frustrating but later realized that they were in a very tough position. As soon as they predict one outcome and it doesn’t turn out that way, they are blamed. Later, as I was learning the maze that is Special Education in our public schools, I realized this was probably a necessary and perhaps legal directive and it was considered the safest way to deal with special kids and their very upset, nervous and feisty parents.

Again, I am so thankful we got referred to Child Find so early. I see it as the most important first step we make. All the pain, worry and insecurity was still there but at least we weren’t dealing with it alone anymore.

Late talker

Shea came along when my oldest was 5 1/2. She wanted a little sister but a boy was ok too. I was on the cusp of turning 40 and had never imagined to have a newborn at that age but that is exactly what happened.

Looking back now, Shea seemed an easy baby; quiet, slept through the night early, good eater and easy going. He was our blue eyed, blond haired boy. Physically he was perfect, nothing unusual until the 18 month check up. Our doctor ran through the standard checklist and Shea's lack of words was flagged. It was true. He babbled but no words, in fact he didn't seem to mimic. Didn't seem to want to copy.

She referred me to the Child Find program through our local Elementary School.

Honestly, I didn't think there was anything wrong with him. There seemed like so much light behind his eyes, I felt that he was taking it all in but not talking about it. I just thought he was a "late talker" with all the comforting vagueness that term can muster. Everyone has heard stories about a child who didn't speak until he was 3, 4 or 5. Albert Einstein, in fact, did not speak until he was 5. There was so much anecdotal evidence that I felt like I shouldn't worry too much.