Monday and a fresh boo-boo for the collection

Classic Monday.

Running around outside, keeping Shea busy while we are waiting for the special bus. He has afternoon preschool and I try to do some physical activities right before school so he will be in a good space for the sittin' and listenin' that makes school so much fun and challenging for the little guys.

Soccer, chicken chasing, up and down the gravel driveway. I was feeling really happy that he hadn't tripped and bunged himself up with a new boo-boo right before the bus rolls in.

So what happens? The bus rolls in and, as if on cue, Shea sits down on the milk box on our front porch and manages to pinch his finger hard! Wicked hard by the way he screamed his head off. And, he is pretty tough about pain. We call him our little hockey player because he takes a hit and bounces right back up.

Me, anxious, fretful mommy, trying to strap him into his harness while he is screaming, big fat tears rolling down his cheeks. Feeling like bad mommy for even sending him off to school that way. Kiss, kiss. Huggy. "You will be fine, buddy." Cringing as I walk away while he is still hollering loudly.

For me, one of the best feelings of the day is when the school bus drives off and I know my youngest kid is off to school where he will have fun and give me a few hours to do my thing. You know that freshly dropped off feeling? Or the wonderfully unencumbered feeling? Well, not today. Not for me.

The bus drove off and I could still hear his crying inside my head.

Like I said, classic Monday.

Working at home with kids

I have been doing this for quite a while with varying degrees of success. Basically, depending on what you do, it can be a very good thing.

I always felt that I didn't wait so long to have kids so that I could let someone else raise them. But, then again, I never really made the kind of money that justified full time day care.

I was lucky. I was able to cobble together a livelihood by working in the family business and developing a side business along the way. Now it is a way of life.

How productive am I as a work at home mom? I admit that I can get more done in 30 minutes than when I spent 1/2 a day in an office trotting the corporate track. Something about that uninterrupted time. Boy, do you miss it when you are at home with the kids therefore you utilize it, appreciate it.

So, yes, I feel productive but not as organized as I would like to be. Certainly not as professional as I would want to be. I don't wear business clothes anymore. I dress like a mom which is one or two steps above pajamas. My professional image has suffered. What with kids screaming in the background as you're talking services with a new client! But, people are forgiving these days. They understand. They are usually pretty cool. If my crazy, mom-full life bugs them, I am sure they just go somewhere else. This is a small enough market, usually they will be back.

How about the mothering? How is that effected by working at home? This is where the ever present mommy guilt comes in. I have spent a lot of time trying to distract my kids so that I could get some work done. I always feel bad about that. I have to drop whatever I am doing to answer a client's call or deal with putting out a little fire. The kids are second in line in those situations. I try to arrange meeting around the kids but clients are clients. I spend lots of time away when they would rather have me here. I am only so "in control" of the schedule.

I have spent many hours itching to take care of the over flowing in box knowing I can't really do it justice until they are gone to school, camp, preschool, etc. I have had to drag them with me to meetings. By the way, this never, ever really works. No matter how wonderful the kids are. It is just against the grain. Kids are not naturally patient and clients don't naturally hurry. A lose-lose scenario.

I am thankful that I have had this opportunity. I realize what a gift it is. Many kids don't get to see their parents until around dinner time. That is their normal. I am here to make sure they eat breakfast. I have a little time to volunteer in their classes. I am here after school. But, I guess I will need to wait until they are grown to hear what they really thought about it.

It is what it is. I wonder what they will say.