Learning how to put disappointment in perspective

We just got back from the "Math is Cool" state championships held in lovely Moses Lake, WA.

Hundred of kids from dozens of school come from all over the state to participate with parents, siblings and math coaches in tow.

Most participants arrive on Friday, stay at a nearby hotel and arrive bright and bushy tailed on Saturday morning ready to "math is up".

That is certainly what we did. I had the added pleasure of having the math coach with me this year, a totally terrific fellow who was an absolute pleasure to have along.

All the Vashon 6th grade families that were participating had coordinated to stay at the same hotel and meet for dinner together. Amazingly we managed to find a very nice restaurant, a serious cut above SubWay which is my usual worry about trips like these.

We hit the sack early and a certain middle schooler (who shall remain nameless) managed to sleep like a brick from 10:00 pm to 8:00 am while I tossed and turned all night having bizarre anxiety dreams.

Morning dawned sunny and warm, moods were high and enthusiastic and breakfast was predictable. We all headed off to the big show down with springy steps and palpable desires for math glory.

So, how did it all go? Well, a little bit underwhelming.

Don't get me wrong. The kids did great! They really did. 2 of the team of 4 placed in the top 8 and got trophies! But, as a team they did not place in the top 4 in their division therefore did not get ribbons.

The mood was grim but rebounded a bit when they realized that they were actually 6th. Not good enough for ribbons but certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

Plenty of pats on the back followed and appropriately adult comments like, "It doesn't really matter about the winning because it is such an honor to even be here."

Which is all true. And, such a typically adult way of couching disappointment with good perspective.

Then it started me thinking. Maybe the real lesson isn't about who can do statistically probability in their heads the fastest but the ability to put all these competitions in the appropriate perspective.

Maybe the real role of these things is a lesson in handling disappointment well, in a healthy way, in a way that doesn't de-rail egos and mangle self-esteem.

I sure hope so.

I guess if I knew that was indeed true, I wouldn't be so nervous about my daughter being swept along on this ride. I mean, how damn competitive does math have to be!?

I guess the answer is in the reaction.

Does she want to do it again next year? You bet. She even said that she might prepare a bit more next year. Considering she prepared exactly ZERO this year, I think an important lesson was learned.

And, about handling the disappointment? She promptly came home and made 6th place ribbons for everyone on the team plus her coach because, after all, it was an honor to even be there.

Lesson learned.

The brainy math girl posse

I was trying to describe my middle schoolers group of friends recently. Trying to define where she fit in, if she does at all. All I could come up with was that she hangs with the smart, kooky brainy kids. Kooky in the way that she is shamelessly ok with being clowny and possibly obnoxious at times but definitely unique and an individual. She has found some similarly kooky and irreverent kids and seems to have a solid thing going.

Perhaps we could call it the "odd duck" posse but what a posse to have.

I know there is mean girl stuff happening. Even in our bucolic little small town. Most of these kids have known each other since they were teenie. I know that the odd duck posse is very easy to point and laugh at although I think they are a little afraid to bug them too much. Who knows what they are capable of? Somthing horrendously embarrassing, no doubt.

But the odd duck posse seems to hang together for the joy and fun of it, not for preservation or protection. Thank god! But it is early daze yet.

Today the 6th grade math kids go off to the Math is Cool competition. This will be the 3rd year that my middle schooler has participated. The amazing lack of nerves and bold, raw confidence shows what it feels like to have a couple of these under your belt. She is "fired up and ready to go".

This year there are 2 full classes of advanced placement math. That is like 45 kids out of 110. What is that? Around 40%? When the try outs came down for the competition, my brainy math girl got the highest score in her one class shocking more than a few of the other kids and maybe the teacher too.

Needless to say she got her place on the team. They assemble 4 teams of 4 with 2 alternates. 16 kids out of the 45. I am sure there was disappointment out there. Wish it didn't have to be that way. Frightening how we hone these kids to be so competitive, putting them through the paces. Scary really. For some of them, competition is all there really is. We try to keep it a bit more balanced around here but it is hard.

So, 2 girls and 2 boys on each team. Thankfully, at least, they make sure there is gender equality for this thing! The other girl on my brainy math girls team is a kid she has known forever, a very competitive kid and not really a friend. Could she be considered one of the mean or popular kids? Probably, although I don't know. My kid's exuberance and joie de vive probably just bugs the hell out of her. Can't say I blame her. And, she is from a much more conservative family; politically, socially, everything.

Initially there was some dismay, so I tried to turn it on its head, "Because you guys are on the same team, all that competitiveness can be directed out! You guys will be a very strong team partly because she is so driven. She won't be competing against you but with you."

"Good point." she says and hasn't brought it up since. Hope that is how the other kid sees it too.

Because, you see, I am going to have to go strictly by hearsay. Again, I will not be going to help out. I wanted to, don't get me wrong. I wanted to real bad but my kid said no. But I went for the 4th grade one so I can pretty much imagine it.

So, I will hoover up the details, the gory and the glory, and send positive math thoughts and happy equation wishes to her all day! And, of course, faithfully report back.

Good luck brainy math kids! Life is so much more than winning a contest but, hey, winning feels pretty good! Go get 'em!

Update:

Just got the word; 1st place 3 years in a row!

Math is cool but mom sure isn't

Today is the Math is Cool competition.

5th graders from all over the region will meet up and go through a rigorous palate of math challenges testing a wide array of math skills at a centrally located high school off island. Each school groups their 16 participants into teams of 4 who will work together throughout the competition.

The scores are tallied and crunched through an undoubtedly dazzling equation to determine a winner.

How do I know so much about it? I went last year. It was a long afternoon and evening. Parents were not allowed into the challenges except for one instance so much of the time was spent sitting around in the hallways waiting and chatting with other parents.

At the end, we all met in the cafeteria, ate bad pizza and waited for the results. There are different divisions depending on the size of the school. And, when it was called out that our little Vashon school won the 1st place ribbon in our division, there were literal tears of joy.

The bus ride home was like riding a cloud for those kids and I will never, ever forget it. And, it's a good thing because I am not going this year.

I could if my presence was desired. Coincidentally, Bubble has canceled this week for a conference so I am amazingly free today. Very unusual for a Friday. So, I could ride the bus over, hang out all afternoon and ride back.

But, Molly does not want me to go. She says it would be embarrassing. I am not too proud to say that I wheedled a bit. I asked, "But what if Mr. Larson really needs more help?"

She said, "Well, if he really needs the help but I wish you wouldn't." Ouch.

OK. I can respect where she is coming from. She is getting to the age where it is excruciatingly embarrassing to even have parents, let alone an outgoing parent. Heaven forbid! I might actually hug her or say, I love you in front of her peers!

I am a little sad but not really. It is just a sign of her growing up. I have lots of memories where she did want me there. I can hang onto those for a bit.

I just hope that there comes a point when she will want me around again. Then, I will know that we have made it through. Not that it would be the last hurdle. Just one of many.

Go team!

UPDATE: The team came in 1st again this year in our division! They acted kind of nonchalant about it this time. It was a very long day. They left school at 1:30 and did not get back until 11:15 after missing a ferry. I could barely keep my eyes open although Molly was unsurprisingly bouncing off the walls. A good time was had by all.

Math is cool

Here we go again.

Word just came down the pike. Molly was chosen for the 5th grade Math is Cool team scheduled to compete on April 24th. They were chosen from a series of tests and competition over the past couple of weeks.

Pretty stressful actually. Last year they just chose names out of a hat. Molly didn't know if she had a good chance or not. I suspected but kept my mouth shut.

There are 16 kids chosen for the competition with 2 alternates out of 30 kids total.

Molly, while she was anxiously waiting to hear the final picks, figured out the chances of her being chosen.

18 out of 30 or 3/5 or 60%

Pretty good odds actually.

Good luck to Molly and the whole team.

Math homework

Molly was given a packet of math homework to do while she was gone. It was the price she had to pay for taking a whole week off from school. The beloved math teacher or the self-professed "Evil Mutant Math Teacher" didn't want her to miss out on any of the fun.

Amazingly, Molly has diligently worked through the packet all week without being nagged. I can barely believe it. Who snatched my kid?

She takes her math pretty darn seriously and is quite proud of her math brain. When she was tested as "good in math" I shrugged and said, "Duh?" I remember her doing simple multiplication and division in her head at a pretty young age; like 5 and before Shea was born.

The conversations would go something like this:

"Molly, there are 12 cookies. If you, me and daddy get an even number, how many cookies to we each get?" She didn't have to think about it very long, it just makes sense to her.

Last May, she was one of the 2 highest scoring girls in her school and was asked to go to the Math is Cool State Championship in Spokane. Hundreds of kids from all over the state came to flex their math muscles with many private school represented. As a team they didn't do so well but individually Molly did great. She was crushed when her team lost and did not even place but was soothed with the knowledge that she did well individually. I personally think she is calm under pressure due to all the music performance stuff she had done from a very early age.

So where does this competitive streak come from? This is one of my concerns about splitting the kids up into different math classes at 4th grade. Many parents seem to really love this tracking and catagorizing their kids. Honestly, I was skeptical and I worried what the kids thought about it.

Last year Molly started out the school year feeling very insecure about her Math skills saying, "I am not smart enough to be the highest math class. Those kids are all smarter than me." I was pissed and dismayed. I hated the idea of the kids being stressed and over critiqing themselves at this age. But, as the year went on she hit her stride and seemed to settle in. But, I still wonder; how do the other kids feel about it? Do they feel superior to the other kids that are not in the high math class? What about the kids who are in the other levels? Do they feel passed over? Will they give up working hard because they don't think "they have it in them"?

You always hear about something happening to girls at around 6th or 7th grade in regard to math and sciences. Many stop caring, raising their hands in class, feeling they should'nt or can't compete. I hope that doesn't happen to our girl. We try to make it as fun as we can to counter balance all this striving stress that comes with it.

Hang in there, little math brain. Math is indeed cool!