Team Shea

An informal IEP update meeting happened yesterday morning. It was really just a meet and greet with the new kindergarten teacher, a new Para educator, a new SLP for grades K-5. Plus the old favorites; the preschool SLP, the ESY teacher, the case manager and the principal.

Quite a turn out.

It went really well.

They always act like they are afraid my head might pop off my body but when they realize that I am not going to cry or yell it usually settles down.

I really think it is going to be fine but I will watch real close the first few weeks. Because he is going to have AM Kindergarten and afternoon Preschool, it leaves over and hour for lunch time, recess, rest time between classes. They are going to do a little social skills teaching during that time too. Now that I write it all down, I expect they will whip through that hour with no problem.

The 4 special kids will be together in the same class which a very experienced, beloved teacher and they will get a Para educator for the whole morning in class and during the lunch transition.

It could be really good. Or it could be a horror show. When I found out they have 50 Kindergartners at recess at once, I started to get nervous. He really gets way too cranked up at recess and the more people there are makes it even harder. I am afraid the hitting and stuff will pop up again.

So, that may have to be adjusted and I felt like I was able to say that I may want to take a re-look after a few weeks.

But, all and all, I was pretty pleased with how caring and responsive they were about Shea. Setting off on the right note.

Tuesday morning will just be an open house so we will just go and visit and hang out for as long as he wants. Then the big first full day is Wednesday.

Good thing we live so close, I think I might hover a bit more than usual for the next month or so.

IEP meeting 2009

Just got back from the IEP meeting and it went pretty well. Maybe I am comparing it to last years but this one was a piece of cake in comparison.

The teacher and speech pathologist spent a good chunk of time talking about how far Shea has come this year. How he is participating in class, is enthusiastic, confident, is having fun. It is always nice to hear that sort of thing.

We didn't spend too much time on the decision to keep him back for another year and not do Kindergarten yet. This was a decision that we made a while back, got input way before the meeting and genuinely think it is the best decision for Shea.

What they would like to work on this year is his sequencing. Telling a story. Working on conversational interaction. Basically, what that means is he still seems to "not get it" when a certain cause and effect relationship take place. I am sure this is the motor planning and motor sequencing issues that we have been working on.

But, the teacher gave us a good example: When all the kids are sitting around in a circle and teacher will say, "Ok, everybody with a red shirt can go to the table and work on puzzles now." All the kids will look at their cloths and jump up if they have red on but Shea will just sort of sit there kind of confused. He will look at teacher quizzically and say, "I have red shirt." Teacher will say, "Yes, you do. That means you can jump on up and go play puzzles." "Oh." he says. He finally gets it then.

I have to think that this may just have a lot to do with learning the rules of school. When teacher says this, I do this. When a student does this, I do this. When someone says this, I say this. This is how I visualize the sequenceing issue. It does take Shea a few times to get it but he does eventually get it.

The only really awful news we got today was the beloved teacher won't be around next year. She is quitting after 16 years and going back to school. This is the teacher who was our first point of contact in Early Intervention when Shea was 18 months old. I teared up on the spot. I am glad she is going to challenge herself and grow professionally but I am, selfishly, very sad to loose her next year.

But, the change means there will be an option for mornings or afternoon pre-school next year. This tosses up our plans a bit because we only had the afternoon pre-school option this year.

I may just go with mornings and do something else for the afternoon like circus arts class and swim lessons.

Or maybe he can do both morning and afternoon? If sequencing and practice and repetition is his thing, maybe back to back pre-school would be a good thing?

So, all and all, a good meeting. A little bit of bad news with loosing the teacher. But, basically a pretty postive IEP meeting.

Peeking at another world

I went to pick up Shea early at his morning pre-school today. He goes to this adorable little Montessori school Wednesday and Thursday mornings 9 - 12. This was partly a move toward my goal of having him spend more time with typically developing peers. Plus, honestly, I just needed some time in the mornings to work and get stuff done.

For the most part it has worked out pretty well.

Transitions can be hard for any kid and Shea is no different. So, I have taken to arriving a little early so that we can spend 10 minutes or so walking in the forest trails surrounding the school and just chill before I have to bundle him back home, get him changed, feed him lunch and get him ready for the special school bus to pick him up for afternoon pre-school at 12:30. Whew! No wonder he has a tough time with that transition! It is a bit of a whirlwind.

Usually by the time I arrive all the kids are running around top speed outside for "recess". Shea will spot me and, on good days, run up to me yelling, "Mommy!!!" with a big hug. Sometimes, it isn't so nice; tears, being in trouble for hitting, taking a time out, etc.

When Shea is really worked up physically or excited, his verbal capabilities just seem to shut down. What he might be able to express when calm and relaxed just can't come out when he is cranked up. So, we have had too many melt downs right at the end of recess when I am about to take him home.

Eureka: I would rather forgo a few minutes of alone time for a calm, peaceful kid at pick up time.

So, like I said, I arrived earlier than usual today and got to sit inside and watch the class in action which I had never really done before. If you do not know, Montessori basically has the belief that you should be responsible for yourself, choose what you want to do, pick up after yourself and follow the rules of the school. I thought it was a pretty good fit with the very structured Developmental Preschool model that he has in the afternoons.

Shea was sitting down and eating his snack with another little boy. There were kids sitting down with the teacher talking about what birds they have seen. There were several kids choosing to do something else, like work on a tower, hang out in the play kitchen, etc. All was calm and happy.

I guess I was struck at how engaged Shea seemed. Even though he was eating his snack, he seemed to be listening to everything that was being said by the teacher. He seemed interested and in good spirits. He smiled and was happy to see me when I arrived. He seemed to be part of the whole. When the teacher asked him to tidy up his snack spot, he went and got a little broom and dustpan and swept up the crumbs without complaint. (!)

By this time, it was time to go. I did a little zipper help with the other kids and then the teacher decided that they could all come on the trail walk with us. I could tell that Shea liked the idea but that it was a little frenetic with all the kids running and jockeying for the lead. We went with the pack and then split off on our own so that we could capture that sweet, quiet chill spot that seems to happen when it is just us together.

So, with all the ups and downs, I think the AM school is a good fit. I think I will ask for another year of Developmental Preschool for next year and push Kindergarten off. I think we will continue with the morning pre-school as long as it still feels right.

Isn't that how it goes? Instinct. It's really the only thing we have to go on sometimes.

Update: Shea's fine motor and Sensory issues

We had the long awaited meeting about Shea getting OT services through the school. He had recently been re-tested with the Peabody for fine motor skills and they also ran the Sensory Integration test too.

There weren't many real surprises; Shea has significant sensory integration issues. He is Hypo vs. Hyper meaning that he needs extra stimuli, big touch, heavy weight, lots of movement. This kind of makes sense because of his "low" lone issue in his face. But, the schools don't give services for Sensory Integration issues; our only chance was to have him qualify for fine motor.

It's all good information but the piece by piece conversation cataloging in detail all of Shea's "challenges" is always really hard to hear.

I wonder why they don't automatically start off with what the kid is good at but they didn't. I suppose they are trying to be economical with time and just jump right in but it always makes me pissed, defensive and depressed as I am sitting there.

So, after all that, Shea's fine motor skills did not test low enough for him to get services so basically the whole meeting was for naught. We did get to talk about a lot of uncomfortable things there were pretty upsetting for me though. Like how Shea is pretty aggressive and explosive on the playground; hitting and pushing.

Because of his hypo-sensitivity issues, they are going to try some new things. For example: they would like to put a big pad out in the playground up against the fence. This would be a "bounce off" area where it will be ok to push, and hit and run into it at high speed. Great. Something tells me that will be a popular area among the boys of the class whether they have "sensory issues" or not. They also suggested a big, thick nylon rope for tug-o-war.

I brought up the sibling issue again. Molly is Shea's prime role model on everything and I know that how they play together is effecting how is playing with the other kids. I had suggested before that Molly could come to the class for a visit so that their interactions could be observed and maybe some gentle suggestions could be made. By someone other than me. I've tried, believe me. I am the broken record but if a counselor or Shea's teacher could talk with Molly and give her some advise I think it would go a long way.

That suggest sort of went flat last year and no one seemed to have the time. But, at this latest meeting, Shea's teacher suggested for Molly to come visit during recess and that she would talk to her. I think we will try that.

The potty training came up again, of course. Apparently they are having no success at school and not really even trying. In P-4, they don't really encourage kids to go potty together so he is getting no role model action there. Last year in P-3 they did but now they are big kids and it is a privacy issue. They also don't want to stigmatize him or make it obvious to the other kids which could be bad or embarrassing down the road. I guess they are right.

So, we are in the same place we have always been but a meeting like this seems to suck the optimism right out of the room. There is something about having all these challenges painted out one by one before your eyes that is very disconcerting.

I know they are doing their best and they like Shea and want to see him succeed. I do value their input and appreciate the time they spend. But, it does point out how rigid this system is, how the bell curve rules and being inside or outside the standard deviation is the prime discussion point.

I like the suggestions of different kinds of play or something new to try. You know, real life stuff. But, when someone shoves a sheet of paper with numbers all over it, I tend to go blank and get irritated. This is my son! Not a data group!

"You know, this doesn't mean anything to me. Please don't waste your time going through all these numbers because it doesn't mean anything. Let's just talk about Shea." I suppose I was rude. I don't really blame them, this is the pool they swim in.

School: when it isn't going well, part 1

Even in the best school district or the school in the world sometimes it just doesn't go very well for your kid.

I remember learning about an idea called "disequilibrium" in relation to child development. The theory being that approximately ever 6 month the kid just naturally goes "bonkers"; acts out, fights back, regresses, pushes buttons, or basically causes the parents untold amounts of worry and stress. Somehow they sort of grow out of it or as they say work through "a phase" and then for 6 months all is dandy. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

I think disequilibrium may have something to do with school not working very well. But, there are also a heck of a lot of factors.

Special Education is probably even more susceptible to the up and downs, highs and lows. It could be as simple as disequilibrium or the teacher and the kid don't click. Or the teacher and parent not clicking. It could be unrealistic expectations for student, teacher or parent. Usually no one is really at fault but it may not be going well, none the less. So, what do you do?

First, I think it is really important to state for the record, YOU are the expert on your child. The teacher may be an expert in Early Childhood Development or whatever but you are the expert on your own child. That is valid. Now that doesn't mean you can run ruffshod all over the teachers and staff and make their lives miserable. A parent does need to have realistic expectations for what their public school can do for their child. Notice I say "public school"? Private school is a whole different kettle of fish.

We had a tough year last year and it all finally boiled down to the wrong placement for Shea. He was given a teacher that was much too structured for him, not very maternal and pretty hands off when actually connecting with her class.

It all started badly when I noticed Shea's class was starting before the "special bus" had even arrived. Our developmental preschool is blended with special and typically developing peers mixed together. So, when the special kids arrived they had no time to transition into the classroom setting yet the teacher insisted on starting at exactly 9:05. Yes, there were melt downs a plenty. Not to mention the fact that the typical kids are sitting there like "good little children" while the "special" kids were not so much.

Now, I only knew this because I rode the special bus with Shea for a while because he was nervous and not ready to go on the bus by himself. No transition time for a 3 year old was a big problem for us. I talked with the teacher, didn't get very far but I got around this problem by skipping the "special bus" and dropping Shea off myself a little early with the typical kids so he could have time to transition.

I consider this particular situation a victory because I was able to go around the problem and make sure my kid got what he needed. Sometimes it's just not so simple.

I guess when it comes to public school it means picking your battles. If you are going to go to the mat on an issue it better be important because you aren't going to have the emotional or physical energy to fight each one. Weigh it in your mind, think on it, don't do anything rash. Can you get around the problem? Can you solve it by yourself? Can you shed some light from the outside? Is there someone you can ask for help on the inside?

Many families do decide to pull their specials kids from public school. I think it's a shame. But, you make the decision kid by kid and decide what is going to be the best for them. Often these are gut wrenching choices.

As our bad school year went on, I couldn't help but chat amongst friends and acquaintances. I found out pretty darn quick that my concerns with the teacher were not isolated or even unique. In fact, I started to run into families who specifically pulled their kids from the public school system because of this teach. Sigh.... That isn't good news to hear anywhere. In a small town it is even worse.

So, what do you do? I did a lot of fretting, spinning my wheels, yabbering at my GGF. (Good Girl Friends) Frankly, I didn't know what to do. I kept close watch on my non-verbal 3 year old kid wishing he could tell me how he liked school or not. But, he couldn't and didn't. I found out that he was having problems in class not from the teacher but from a questionnaire.